


#NotMyDean

by MarmeLady_Orange



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: A lot of talking, Alternate Reality, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Friends With Benefits, Is it a dream?, Is it magic?, Life beyond the episodes, M/M, Missing Scenes, Open Relationship, Season/Series 12 Spoilers, Season/Series 13 Spoilers, Some questions may never be answered, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-17 20:58:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11859546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarmeLady_Orange/pseuds/MarmeLady_Orange
Summary: Jensen Ackles knows Dean Winchester. He knows him intrinsically, from top to bottom, inside and out. He may haven’t been the one to come up with the character, he still has been playing the hunter for so long that he’s become part of him. Whatever happens to Dean, Jensen knows how he will think and react. Mostly, he knows that Dean is not pining for Castiel in the slightest, whatever the fans may think about it.Until he crosses into the Supernatural universe and finds himself confronted to a whole different truth.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know what happened… this thought of Jensen landing in Supernatural just hit me in the face and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. How if he got to meet Dean, maybe he’d realize that the hunter’s not all that straight after all.
> 
> This is by no means me throwing shade at Jensen. I would never dare, I love the guy. I don’t even think he’d have a problem playing a gay or bisexual character; he’s done it before. If he wants to say Dean’s straight, that’s fine with me. I just chose not to believe it and kinda wanted to send him into a Supernatural universe where Dean IS kinda queer (even if not canonically). And just like that universe, the Jensen I’m sending there is my own version of him (so… also from some alternate universe… if that excuses anything… confused yet? I kinda am.)
> 
> Just for the hell of it, let’s imagine it’s OUR Jensen being thrown into OUR Supernatural.
> 
>  
> 
> Don’t hesitate to let me know what you think, and thanks for reading! I hope you’ll like it!

The rising sun blinded Jensen the moment he opened the door of his trailer. He wavered in the frame with an arm over his eyes as he reached inside to grab his sunglasses on the counter. He exhaled a sigh of relief when he slid the glasses on, letting the door slam shut in his back. Still squinting, even with the glasses on his nose, he walked down the couple of steps to land on the concrete.

He looked around, wondering about the emptiness of the location: Not one crew members could be seen running around. Jensen pulled the sleeve up to glance at Dean’s prop watch; the set should be buzzing with activity at this hour. He closed his eyes again, hoping his hangover  would dissipate already.

“Damn you, Jared,” he murmured, unable to remember how the night had ended. At least he knew how it had started, his onscreen brother deciding time had come for Jensen to open that bottle the studio offered him on his last birthday.

Only one drink, they had promised each other. One drink that turned into two, then three before they started losing count. Then Jensen woke up on his couch, alone, with the empty bottle and tumblers overturned on the coffee table. The last time he drank that much, JJ and the twins weren’t even born yet.

He patted himself down, an urgent need to speak to his wife and kids twisting his insides. Realizing he had forgotten his phone in the trailer, he turned around to climb back inside.

“What the hell?”

Jensen’s heart stopped when he didn’t see the stairs or his trailer, instead facing a yellow door with the number twelve painted on it. He turned back around to see that side hadn’t changed. He turned again, hoping he’d been hallucinating. No such luck.

With a trembling hand, he grabbed the doorknob to find it locked. He kept rattling it, hoping it would give in. When it did, it was thanks to someone opening the door from the inside.

“Forgot your key again? Where’s breakfast?”

Jensen looked up, relieved to find Jared standing before him. Until he got worried again; he could have sworn his friend hadn’t been in his trailer before.

“How did you get in?” he asked, sliding his body between Jared and the door frame. He didn’t go far, his legs refusing to move when he saw the insides didn’t match his trailer either. Instead, there were two beds in disarray, and the decor was horrendous. “What kind of a sick joke is this?” he said, facing Jared to give him the stink eye.

“What do you mean?” he said, still holding the door open. Only then did Jensen notice his friend’s clothes.

“What with the sweatpants?”

Jared looked down at himself, then at Jensen again. “My running clothes? What’s with you? You okay?”

“Since when do you run? Outside, I mean.”

Jensen started to laugh when Jared’s face morphed into one of Sam Winchester’s signature bitch faces. The laughter died in his throat the second Jared spoke again.

“You know I run every morning. Maybe you should lay off the booze, Dean. You’re not twenty-five anymore.”

Jensen crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his head. “Did you call me Dean just now?”

“At least your observation skills are on point.”

“Stop it, it’s not funny! Did I fall asleep on set again?”

Rather than answering, Jared shook his head and huffed. “Just… sleep it off or something. I’ll be back with breakfast later.”

Jared left Jensen alone in the room to gape at the door. It took him some time to shake himself out of his daze and start looking around. He knew what sets looked like and that was not it. It looked like a legit motel room with four walls, no cameras, no mics, no tape on the floor so they know where to stand, nothing. He went into the bathroom to try every faucet and flush the toilet; all real in there too.

It wasn’t unheard of that the crew would make everything as authentic as possible, just never to that extent. When nausea tickled the back of his throat, Jensen couldn’t figure out if it was because of the alcohol abuse or not knowing what the hell was happening. Whatever the reason, it had him kneeling on the cracked tiles to empty his stomach in the toilet.

Jensen was still on his knees when he heard the room door open and someone walk in. The familiar rustling of a paper bag made him gag, but he didn’t throw up again. It had to be Jared, bringing him some goodies as a peace offering for pulling such a douchey prank. He got to his feet and turned on the water to rinse his mouth.

He was gargling when he saw his double appear in the mirror, pointing a gun at him. He choked on the water, spraying it all over the mirror.

“Your hands where I can see them!” his double said, the voice much lower and rougher than his own. A lot like Dean Winchester should sound, actually.

Jensen had to fight against the nausea again as he raised both hands in the air, eyes locked with the man in the mirror.

“Turn around. Slowly.”

As he obeyed, Jensen wondered if he’d ever be able to take down Dean Winchester in a fight. _Probably not_ , he surmised, knowing the real guy would be strong as fuck. _Not that he really exists._

The second they were face to face, the other Jensen threw water on him. “What the fuck are you?” he spat when it had no effect.

Before Jensen could answer, Probably-Dean handed him a knife. “Don’t get any funny ideas,” he said when a hesitant Jensen took the weapon. “Cut up your arm.”

“What?”

“Take the knife and cut the skin on your arm. Now!”

Jensen gulped. The knife was definitely the real deal, not a prop. No way would he start mutilating his own body for this guy’s amusement. Rather than cutting himself, he ran the pad of his fingers over the blade. “If this is silver, just touching it should do the trick, right? No need to draw blood?”

“There’s gonna be blood either way, handsome! If you don’t cut, I shoot. It’s as simple as that.”

With a trembling sigh, Jensen pivoted the blade. If that was indeed Dean Winchester standing in front of him, he knew the man wouldn’t hesitate to shoot. Jensen winced at the thought of cutting up his palm; it would hurt like hell and take forever to heal. Instead, he pulled the fabric on his arm a little past the wrist to rest the point of the knife on his arm. He let out a muted whimper when he pressed, the knife easily piercing the skin.

“There,” he said, removing the weapon when blood started trickling from the tiny cut. “Happy?”

“Not even close! Tell me what the fuck you are, then we’ll see about being happy.”

“Not sure you wanna know.”

Dean aimed the gun between Jensen’s eyes, the cold metal brushing against the skin. “Oh, I wanna know, all right,” he said, his tone sickly sweet.

“I’m—I’m Jensen… Jensen Ackles. I’m an actor. I play you on TV?” he specified when the other man squinted at him.

“Not this shit again,” Dean said, backing up his weapon a bit. “What the fuck did you do? Why are you here? Did angels—”

“What? Angels? No… I—I don’t know how I got here, okay?” He chuckled nervously. “I’m not sure I’m even here, here.” Jensen started lowering his arms, which prompted the weapon to get in his face again. “Whoa… easy there. I swear, I don’t know how I got here, okay? I have to be dreaming or something. Or I’m in a coma.”

He nodded to himself, starting to think a coma made a lot of sense. An ethylic coma, most probably. Dee would no doubt murder him if he ever woke up again. And then kill Jared for making him open that damn bottle of whiskey. He looked up again to see Dean glaring at him.

“You don’t look comatose to me, dude. Trust me, there’s a whole lot of alternate realities out there. You should know this, we crossed over into your universe once.” Dean lowered his weapon again, his brows now scrunched together. “What happened to you that time? Where did you guys go?”

“Can I put my arms down?” Jensen asked rather than answering. As sole answer, Dean shrugged and took a couple of steps backwards, never letting his guard down. He motioned at the bed with the gun so Jensen would sit. He himself took the desk chair and turned it around to sit backward on it, never letting go of his weapon.

Jensen sat at the foot of the bed, facing Dean. “I didn’t go nowhere that time, Dean. You never came to my universe.”

“Hells yeah, I did. Sam and I were both sent there by Baltha—”

“It wasn’t my universe. I mean—well—Jared and I, we filmed that episode. We played you and Sam coming into a universe that’s similar to ours. Just… not exactly the same, you know? The TV version of our universe, if you will.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, Jared and I, we’re great friends.” Jensen couldn’t help smiling at the thought of his co-star. “Nah, it’s more than that. We’re just like brothers, you know?”

“But you’re not related, are you?”

“No, but it feels like it. We were roommates once, now we’re neighbours down in Texas. Our wives are the best of—”

“You’re married? And Jared… he’s not married to fake-Ruby for real, is he?”

Jensen couldn’t help laughing at the question. “Yeah, him and Gen are really together.”

“How about you? Is your wife on the show, too? Oh, tell me, is it Carmelita? She’s fucking hot!” Dean asked, waggling his eyebrows.

“Believe me, my wife’s much hotter! She’s an actress, but she’s never been on the show. Her name’s Danneel.”

“Danielle?”

“Dan-neel.”

“What the fuck’s wrong with the names in your reality? Jensen, Danneel, that guy Misha? Oh, speaking of… is he—when we went there, he got—”

“Killed? Nah, he’s good. That was all part of the plot. Misha’s alive and well.”

Dean let out a relieved breath and nodded. “That’s… yeah, that’s great. Was kind of a weirdo, but he didn’t deserve to die for it.”

“He’s not exactly the guy you met. T’was his idea, to play himself like that, douchey and stuff.”

“Why?”

Jensen shrugged, glad to see the weapon disappear behind Dean’s back. He smiled, leaning forward with his forearms on his thighs.

“He’s just a funny guy… he always comes up with these crazy ideas, tries to make the world a better place and what not.”

“Cas isn’t funny… well, he kinda is, but it’s not always on purpose. I don’t think.”

Jensen smirked. “Say, speaking of Castiel… is he around? If I’m indeed in an alternate reality, I might need his help to go back.”

Dean shook his head, giving his doppleganger a confused look. “Why aren’t you more freaked out?” he asked in place of answering. “Is there magic in your universe? Is this normal?”

“Far from it. And believe me, I’m freaking out on the inside, but it’s not gonna help that I start running around like a chicken that’s lost its head. I’m still not convinced this is really happening, to be honest. Drank a whole lot last night, coma sounds like a solid possibility.”

Dean got off the chair and pushed it back under the desk before fishing his phone from his jean pocket. He started pacing in the room.

“Hey, Cas, it’s me… yeah, I’m good. Huh… how soon can you get to Decatur, Illinois…? Well, we’re not… it’s complicated, you really gotta come here for this… great, we’re at the Blue Centaur on the 86, room twelve… all right, see you then.”

Dean hung up and went to sit on the other bed. Jensen moved to face him.

“Do you always dress like me?” Dean asked after letting his gaze travel over Jensen.

“I was at work. Walked out of my trailer into that parking lot. Dunno what happened.”

“I saw your trailer, man. It was the bomb.”

Jensen chuckled again. “That wasn’t real either, man. I do have a trailer, but it’s not that posh. Well, it kinda is, but there’s no aquarium in there. They did this on purpose, made us all look like those typical Hollywood types. A load of crap, like Jared’s mansion with the tanning beds.”

“Oh, so you didn’t really work on soaps and stuff?”

Jensen felt the heat creep up in his cheeks. “Yeah… this… that’s real. They showed actual footage from that show I worked on years ago.”

“Lame!”

It was Jensen’s turn to squint at Dean. “Says the guy who gets high on hospital dramas!”

“Dr. Sexy’s a guilty pleasure,” Dean said in a huff, him too now sporting some red in his face. “What else was false? Sam said the show didn’t seem to be popular much.”

“That one’s kinda true. If you look at the figures, I mean. The show’s not watched by that many people. But the fans… they don’t just like the show, they love it,” Jensen said, insisting on the last part. “They’re amazing, really. We’re real lucky to have them.”

“You don’t mean to say they’re all like that Becky chick, right?”

This time, Jensen erupted in laughter, throwing his head back. “Oh, god, no. Well… maybe some are just as intense, but it’s not the norm. Most of them are really nice and respectful.”

“That’s good! You wouldn’t wanna have porn stories written about you and your brother, even if he’s not related to you.”

Jensen couldn’t help laughing again. “There’s no getting around that, my man. I’ve never read any myself, but I’m told there’s a fuckton of those out there on the net.”

“You and Sa—Jared?”

“Me and Jared, me and Misha, Misha and Jared, the other actors… then all the iterations of you, Sam, Castiel, alone, together, with other characters. What you guys found, it’s nothing compared to what’s in the real world, I promise you.”

“Who says your world’s the real one?”

Dean’s tone was harsh again, making Jensen swallow hard. “I—well—I’d think that if I’m playing you, then… like, my job is to play you. If I don’t, you stop existing. That’s just logic.”

“Says who?”

Even though he knew he could never find a satisfying answer, Jensen tried his best to come up with one. When that failed, he shook his head and shrugged. He’d never be able to convince Dean he wasn’t real. Like nobody would ever be able to convince him of the same.

“So… they write about me and Cas, huh?”

Dean speaking again, after long minutes of uncomfortable silence, startled Jensen. He looked up, worried that the hunter would be all sorts of pissed. Instead, he found him with a faint smirk on his face.

“Yeah, but like I said, they write about everybody. Even about you and Sam, so—”

“Sam and me, that’s fantasy… weird incestual fantasy. But since Cas and I actually did… you know… sleep together, I’m kinda wondering if—”

“Wait… what? You and Cas are a thing?”

Dean frowned. “Are you kidding me right now?”

At that moment, Jensen knew he wasn’t in a coma, nor was he dreaming. No.

He had actually died and, for some reason, had been sent down to hell.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dang you, guys! I couldn’t wait!!! I had told myself I’d publish the next one tomorrow, but then something came up which means I won’t be home so… yeah! There you go, gift for you all.
> 
> Well… gift… I guess we’ll see about that. lol
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, and leaving all sorts of nice comments. I LOVE to know what you guys think, so please, don’t hesitate to share your thoughts!
> 
> *crosses fingers* I hope you guys will like this new chapter! Enjoy, and I will most probably see you again in two days! :D

“Destiel is not a thing,” Jensen said for the tenth time as he paced around the room. “Fans want it, but it’s not gonna happen. Not ever. Dean’s not gay.”

“You’re right, I’m not… except I’m not entirely straight either.”

Jensen stopped and turned to face Dean. “How are you being so coy about this? You’re Dean Winchester! You love muscle cars, rock music, food, booze… women!”

“Yeah, I like all that. And I like Cas,” Dean said, matter-of-factly. “Like him a whole lot, actually.”

“He’s like your brother!”

“I’ve already got a brother, Cas is my best friend… a best friend I so happen to have gotten close to a couple of times. Why do you care so much?”

Jensen threw his arms to the ceiling. “Because I do! And don’t you go and think I’m a homophobe or anything. I’m really not! It’s just… I built you from the ground up, man. I know you, and you don’t have a thing for guys.”

“I usually don’t, you’re right about that, but I do have a thing for Cas. And… well… we hunted a siren way back when. Made itself a guy to get me. I guess it picked up on something I didn’t even know about myself yet.”

When Jensen spoke again, he sounded a lot like he did when he tried explaining stuff to his four-year-old. “You see, that’s how I know this Supernatural universe can’t be mine. In my reality, when we filmed that episode, the siren had picked-up on the fact that Dean was having problems with Sam, not that he was queer. Because you’re not queer… I mean… my Dean’s not queer.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, man.”

“Does Sam know?”

“About what? Cas?” Once more, Dean blushed, if just a little. “Not really… I mean, he probably knows, but we don’t talk about it. It’s not like Cas and I are dating or anything.”

“You just said—”

“I said we’ve gotten together on some occasions, not that we’re engaged.” Dean pinched his lips. “That life we lead, it’s not for relationships and stuff like that. Tried and failed too many times to start that shit up again. You can’t make it if you’re tied up to someone, this much I know.”

“You’re tied up to Sam.”

“That’s different… and you very well know where that’s gotten us.”

The room door opened on Sam before Jensen could try and argue some more.

“What’s going on here?” he barked when he saw the two Deans sitting on the beds. “Who the hell are you?” he then yelled, moving sideways into the room when Dean tried to go to him.

“Relax, Sam… it’s me, and this is Jensen. The actor guy from that other reality Balthazar sent us to. You know, the one where you’re Polish?”

Suspicion heavy in his gaze, Sam’s eyes went back and forth between Dean and Jensen. “How do I know he’s not the real Dean, huh?”

“Because I’m not disputing what he said, Jar—hem—Sam. I’m not Dean, I’m Jensen. He’s telling the truth.”

Sam’s stance relaxed a little. He had been expecting the two men to start claiming they were Dean, leaving him to try and determine who the real one would be.

“Oh,” he said, putting the knife back where he had found it. “How did you get here?” he then asked Jensen who shrugged, his palms facing the ceiling.

“I wish I knew.”

Dean gave his doppelganger a hefty clap on the back, making him flinch. “I called Cas, he’s on his way.”

“You think he can help?” Sam said, now going through his duffel next to the bed Jensen had been sitting on. Of course Dean made him sit on his brother’s bed rather than his own.

“We’ll see.” Dean went to grab the bag Sam had put on the TV stand when he came in. “What’s this? You got breakfast?”

“Well, yeah, you said you weren’t—oh, that was you earlier, wasn’t it?” Sam asked Jensen. “No wonder you looked weirded out. Sorry I accused you of being hungover, man.”

“No, you were right… I was.” As he spoke, Jensen’s stomach rumbled, making Sam chuckle.

“There’s enough breakfast for four people, just help yourself,” Sam offered before locking himself in the bathroom.

Dean put Sam’s breakfast bag on the desk next to the one he’d brought earlier. Unsurprisingly, the contents of each bag was exactly the same. Dean gave one of the coffees to Jensen before holding two wrapped breakfast sandwiches.

“What do you want? The edible kind with meat or my brother’s egg whites crap?”

Jensen smirked. “Egg whites crap for me, thanks.” He ignored the purse in Dean’s lips when he grabbed the sandwich and unwrapped it.

“Should have known, you’re a damn actor. Guys like you like frou-frou things like egg whites, grass juice, and veggie shakes, don’t you?”

“At least I won’t die of clogged arteries before I’m fifty.”

“Whatever,” Dean replied, letting out an exaggerated moan as he bit into his own breakfast.

They ate in silence, Jensen sipping on the rapidly cooling coffee while Dean munched on both meat sandwiches. Although fascinated by his double, Jensen couldn’t help pursing his lips at the spectacle before him: That guy was a pig and it was all Jensen’s fault.

“Wha’?” Dean said when he noticed Jensen’s eyes on him, bits of food flying out of his mouth.

“You really have bad table manners… it may be funny on TV, gotta say it’s pretty awful up close.

“I’m a delight to be around, I know,” Dean countered after swallowing, only to take another huge bite and show Jensen the content of his mouth.

Jensen shook his head and went to look out the window. He smiled when he saw the Impala parked right outside. “She really is gorgeous, isn’t she?” he said, not really expecting Dean to answer. “When the show’s done, I’m taking Baby home with me.”

“When’s that gonna be?”

“No clue,” Jensen responded, going back to sit on Sam’s bed. “We’re almost done filming the twelfth season, renewed for thirteen. As far as I’m concerned, I could do this for the rest of my life.”

“I guess I should be happy about that. You playing me forever kinda means I wouldn’t die. If I really were a character you play, that is.”

“It’s not like you haven’t died already.”

“Yeah, but I came back. Sam, Cas, and I, we always come back.”

Jensen didn’t have the heart to tell him what was to come, about how he’d soon be losing Castiel once more. And, well… Misha had signed on for next year so Dean was kind of right anyway. Maybe Jensen could help soften the blow in confirming that indeed, Castiel wasn’t going anywhere. To some extent, anyway.

“Castiel disappearing in the reservoir was supposed to be his last scene ever.” Jensen looked up to see Dean with a deep frown. “Fans loved him so much that the studio didn’t have a choice but to bring him back. Even when he first came on the show, he was supposed to only be in a couple of episodes. He made such an impact that he quickly became essential, you know?”

“That’s because he is. Essential.”

“I know. Still, the angel on your shoulder was supposed to be Anna, not Cas.”

“Huh… and you’re still questioning that Cas and I have gotten together?” Dean added in a low voice, his eyes on the closed bathroom door.

They didn’t speak again until Sam came back into the room in his boxers. Jensen’s eyes followed the tanned – and surprisingly scarred – skin upward to land on his tattoo. It looked freshly made, pretty much like his and Jared’s looked on those days they had to have them painted on.

“So you got it back, huh?” Jensen asked, pointing at the anti-possession design. Sam looked down and nodded.

“Can’t take any chances, you know?” Sam said, brushing a hand over the inked skin. “If you’re to be stuck here, you better get one too. Especially since you’re wearing Dean’s face. You’re everything but safe here.”

Jensen swallowed hard. “I—I’m an actor—I’d rather not—you know—I can’t…”

“We can use a permanent marker. He probably won’t be here long enough anyway,” Dean suggested as he crumpled the sandwich wrappers to drop them in the empty bag. “Your disgusting sandwich is here, Sammy.”

“Thanks,” Sam said as he fastened his jeans and pulled a t-shirt over his head. He pushed back the wet locks from his face and went to grab his breakfast.

“D’you mind if I take that extra coffee?” Jensen asked when Sam emptied the bag and flattened it to use as a placemat. “And… you guys have Tylenols or something, right?”

Dean grabbed the remaining cardboard cup and gave it to Jensen before going through his own duffel to find a small bottle of pills.

“Here you go,” he said as he tossed it to Jensen. “So… Cas is gonna be here later, but Sam and I still have to find what’s been killing folks.”

“We know it’s a ghost, but we’d been wrong about who it was. Gotta go investigate some more,” Sam added between bites. “Unless you can tell us?”

A chill crept up Jensen’s spine. “I—we’re not supposed to be filming anything like this, so I don’t think—maybe we’re in between episodes or something?”

Sam gave him a sympathetic look. “No worries, we’ll figure it out. You okay to spend the day here? On your own? There’s cable, vending machines in the front office, beers in the fridge.”

“Don’t drink all the beers,” Dean said, pointing a menacing finger at Jensen. “And don’t you go and walk around either. Sam wasn’t wrong when he said that wearing my face could mean trouble for you. Now, where do you want the warding?” he asked, twirling a black marker between his fingers.

Jensen’s answer came in him peeling off every layer of Dean’s clothes from his upper body. “Same as you guys,” he said once the undershirt had come off.

Dean nodded and uncapped the marker as his eyes roamed over Jensen’s chest. “Would you look at that, Sammy? This guy’s skin is perfect. No scars, no bruises… nothing!”

“I get bruises,” Jensen defended himself, not liking how amused Dean sounded. “I’ll have you know that I do my own stunts… well… most of them, anyway.”

“You call them stunts, I call them my life, bud,” Dean replied in a clipped tone as he started to draw. Ten minutes later, Jensen could put his t-shirt back on.

“So… no going out, no shenanigans, not all the beer, and you wait for us here. We clear?” Dean said as he checked his gun before sliding it again in the back of his pants. He then wrote phone numbers on the motel notepad. “If trouble finds you anyway, the first number’s mine, the other’s Sam’s. D’you have cash? For the machines?”

Before Jensen could confirm he didn’t, Sam handed him a ten dollar bill and his room key. “You can get change at the front desk if the machine won’t take this. Just… don’t go anywhere else, all right? We’ll be back before you know it.”

With a nod, Jensen shoved the money and key in his jean pocket, keeping to himself how he’d have to be extra hungry to eat crap from a vending machine. Now, if Jared had been the one landing here, he no doubt would have been on his way over there already.

Once alone, Jensen decided he agreed about keeping a low profile and put himself at ease. The room was a crappy one and smelled like mildew, but he could live with that. He made Sam’s bed, if only to be comfortable once he’d be lounging on it, stealing Dean’s pillows to make it all the more cozy.

To be honest, he would have preferred to be doing something physical, flushing the hangover by sweating it out. He dropped to the floor to do push-ups then turned for some sit-ups, but it wasn’t enough. It actually bored him to death. So he got up and went to grab one of Dean’s beers before sitting on the bed.

Going through the channels, Jensen couldn’t be surprised not to find much of anything playing. It wasn’t like the show focused on TV all that much. He found at least five channels – with one in Spanish – that played Dr. Sexy marathons.

Jensen groaned as he figured he might as well watch that, decapsulating the bottle after propping himself against the headboard. As a beer connoisseur – he owned his own brewery, after all – Jensen almost spat his mouthful all over the bed. Instead, he breathed through his nose and reluctantly swallowed before putting the bottle on the nightstand. No way in hell was he gonna drink that.

He thought about the ten dollar note in his pocket, wondering if he’d be able to find a liquor store close enough to the motel. _Dude, you’re turning into Dean_ , he chastised himself, remembering how drinking might not be the best of ideas. Not after last night, anyway. Still, if he was in fact dead and in hell, who would care that he got drunk again?

“Maybe that’s why the beer tastes like shit,” Jensen mused out loud. “I don’t think there would be anything good to drink in hell.”

He chuckled and tried to pay attention to the television. He had stumbled about half-way through an episode and suffered through the predictable plot before trying to find something better. When he stumbled upon a channel showing old Looney Tunes episodes, he thanked the heavens that the Supernatural writers had had the mind to refer real life stuff.

He let out a contented sigh and leaned back onto the pillows to enjoy the classic animation. About an hour later, Jensen sat up and stretched his arms over his head. He almost took back the bottle of beer before remembering it tasted like death. He threw his legs off the bed, making sure he had the room key and money before walking out.

The sketchy guy in glasses reading a newspaper behind the desk in the front office never even looked up when he spoke.

“Welcome to the Blue Centaur. Room for the night or a siesta?”

“I’m just here for the vending machines. You got change for a ten?”

“Machines take ten dollar bills,” he answered, waving a dismissive hand at the opposite wall. Jensen nodded and turned around to inspect his choices.

As far as the vending machines went, those were pretty standard. One for sodas, one for snacks, and another that sold all kinds of hot beverages. Jensen had had two coffees already, so he elected to go with what seemed like the most harmless and refreshing choice, some type of fizzy lemonade. He didn’t know the brand which kind of made sense, with this being a TV show and all.

Jensen bought two cans so he wouldn’t have to come back, plus a bag of vegetable chips. He was no dummy, he knew those were just as harmful as potato chips. So what if he preferred to ignore that and make himself believe he was making good choices? His eyes caught on a bag of mixed nuts and he sighed. Nuts were even better, health wise, so he bought those too.

As he walked back to the room with the snacks, Jensen noticed a very familiar pick-up truck where the Impala had been earlier. He picked up the pace when an even more familiar silhouette appeared from behind it.

Castiel…


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my dear readers… do I have an excellent ending for you. I kinda knew how it would end, and then this other idea kind merged itself onto that original ending. And, if I can say so myself, it’s pretty cool.
> 
> No worries, it’s not in this very chapter. Not sure yet how many chapters the story will have, but it COULD go up to ten (although I don’t think it will). Let’s just say for now that there’ll be at least 7.
> 
> I don’t know about you, but I’m having a whole lotta fun with this one here. And, I’ll admit, the more the story goes, the more I take liberties with my "Jensen Ackles" character. 
> 
> And, I did warn you guys at the very beginning, but the "Cockles" flavor will get stronger as the story goes. Not saying how just yet, but you better expect it. If this irks you in any way, you might wanna quit reading.
> 
> Of course, I’d rather you didn’t… I’d love to keep you here with me, but I understand how RPF can be a big no-no. And I will amend the tags to reflect that as well. Although minor, there will be some Cockles for sure!
> 
> Anywho! I’m hoping you’ll like this next chapter and, as always, thank you so very much for reading and letting me know what you think. Your kudos and comments are my bread and butter (mmmh… butter). Really, just having anyone read my stuff is a reward in itself, as long as they enjoy it!
> 
> See you in two days for the next chapter, my sweets! Take care of yourselves! <3

“Cas!” Jensen yelled as he ran up to the angel. “Castiel!”

Castiel turned toward the voice. If he looked right about to smile, it didn’t last. Jensen saw the blade drop in the angel’s hand.

He stopped in his tracks. “Whoah, wait! I’m—”

“You’re not Dean,” Castiel said as he started walking, holding his blade forward. “But you’re not a monster either,” he added once close enough. He stopped, the blade now pointing to the ground. “You’re definitely human. What reality are you from?”

Jensen swallowed, his eyes drawn to the shiny weapon. “The real one?” he said, not knowing what else to answer.

“What do you mean, the real one?”

If this guy looked like Misha, there was something definitely off about him. Jensen looked up to meet his friend’s blue eyes and it hit him: Even when he acted, there was always some kind of warmth in Misha’s eyes when he looked at him. Not to say the man couldn’t act, but they were great friends, just like their Dean and Castiel were great friends. _Just friends_ , he felt the need to emphasize, if only to himself.

Except the Castiel standing in front of him, he didn’t know Jensen. All the actor could read in that gaze was suspicion, confusion, and infinite power. It brought him back to that first encounter with Misha on set.

“We should go inside…” he managed to say in a rough voice.

The squinting intensified, yet Castiel moved aside to let Jensen walk to the door and open it. Once inside, Jensen dropped everything on the first bed while Castiel shut the door.

“Speak!”

Jensen took one of the cans and sat on the other bed as he popped it open. He took a sip, his mouth feeling much too dry to even attempt speaking.

“I don’t know what happened, okay?” he said after some time. “I drank too much last night and I woke up in my trailer. When I got out to go to work, I landed here instead.”

“You landed? From the sky?”

“No… I just… kinda found myself in the parking lot after walking out of my trailer.”

“What did you drink? Did you do some kind of incantation? Would witches—”

“There’s no magic where I’m from, no witches, no incantations. We just drank some normal – and very pricey – whiskey. I must have blacked out, and here I am.”

Castiel started pacing, holding his chin as he pondered the little information Jensen had given him.

“And… your name’s not Dean, is it?”

“No, it’s Jensen Ackles. I’m an actor.”

“You’re from that reality Balthazar sent the Winchesters to? I remember Dean mentioning your name before.”

“Yeah, about that… that reality was another one entirely, I guess. Jared and I are actual friends and Misha, the guy who plays you, he’s not really dead.”

“I see.”

When Castiel came to stand in front of him with his hand extended, Jensen jumped back, worried about the angel’s intentions.

“I’d like to see for myself what’s in your head, if you don’t mind.”

Jensen swatted the hand aside. “Yeah, I mind. Doesn’t that shit hurt like hell?”

“I need to do this in order to know how to send you back. Because… you do want to go back, don’t you?”

“Of course.”

“Then let me take a look.”

Taking a deep breath, Jensen closed his eyes and nodded. The next second, it felt like a lit cigarette stood a little too close to his temple. Jensen drew a breath through his clenched teeth, doing his best not to flinch away and start crying like a baby. Until it started feeling like a burning fire poker penetrating his brain. When he couldn’t hold the screams anymore, everything went black.

“Jensen? Come on, dude, we gotta go. Wake up!”

Keeping his eyes closed, Jensen let out a noisy yawn.

“Fuck you, Jar!” he mumbled, remembering the night before. “Fuck you and your fucking dumb ideas! I can’t drink like that no more.”

“He’s confused,” he heard Misha say.

Jensen scoffed at his friend. “Confused, my ass. What are you even doing here? You’re not filming today.” He opened his eyes to see Misha and Jared dressed as Castiel and Sam, looking down on him. And next to them stood—

“Dean?” he croaked, all the memories flowing back at once. “Fuck! Wished it had been a dream. A nightmare, I should say.” He sat up and Sam gave him a bottle of water. He downed half of it in record time, then turned to Castiel. “So? Can you send me home or not?”

Castiel and Dean were having some sort of silent conversation, gazing into each other’s eyes. Jensen shivered at the thought of what those two had been up to in this reality. To be fair, if he and Mish looked only half this intense when they locked eyes, he could maybe see how people would think they were fucking.

“Hello? I asked you a question.”

Turning an unimpressed eye on him, Castiel shook his head. “I don’t think I can. For that, I’d have to know the exact coordinates of your universe. And since you can’t tell me how you got here, I have no way of knowing how to send you back.”

“I can’t stay here,” Jensen said in a plaintive tone. “I have a life to go back to, got a wife and kids. Please!”

“You’ve got kids?” Dean asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

“Of course, I have kids. We all do,” he added, pointing to Sam and Castiel. “I need to go. If Cas can’t do it, then ask Chuck to send me back!”

Castiel gave Jensen a suspicious once over. “What do you know about Chuck?”

“That he’s God? I know, ‘cause you know. Whatever you know, I know. I play Dean Winchester, he’s my creation.”

“Doesn’t seem like you know everything,” Dean quipped with a quick glance to his brother.

“That’s because this is not MY supernatural, I told you that already, but it’s close enough.”

Castiel faced Dean again. “What do you mean, he doesn’t know everything?”

Dean chewed at his bottom lip, his gaze shifting between Sam and Castiel. Until he huffed and rolled his eyes. “He didn’t know about us, all right? He says his Dean’s not gay!” Before Sam could try and comment, Dean shoved a finger in his face. “Shut up! I’m not gay either… not really.”

“I didn’t say a word.”

“Keep it up.” Dean turned back to Castiel. “He says his Dean and Castiel never got together.”

“That is strange,” Castiel said, looking back at Jensen with his head tilted. “Why do you think Dean isn’t gay? Or at least a little bit bisexual?” Castiel corrected himself when Dean elbowed him in the side.

“Because he’s not. I don’t play him that way, is all. He cracks jokes and stuff, but it’s all for show, you know?”

“Can I ask a question?” Sam said, only to be shut down by his brother.

“Not now, Sam!”

“But I think it’s relevant,” he insisted, this time not waiting for Dean to give him permission. “When did you guys get together the first time? I mean, I don’t want details and shit, but… if whatever you guys did never happened in his world, then we’ll know for sure it’s not _his_ Supernatural.”

“It’s not!” Jensen said, but nobody was paying attention to him anymore.

“The first time we—”

“Cas! Shut up, would you?”

“Dean, your brother’s right. It might help to know what the differences are in order to send him back where he truly belongs.”

When Dean didn’t object, Castiel started again. “The first time we “hooked-up”,” he said, curling his fingers in the air, “I was graceless. It was after the fall, when Dean came to see me in Rexburg. After we left Nora’s house.”

Jensen huffed. “That never happened.”

“Ephraim? The rit zien?”

“No… the getting together after the angel died. I—Dean gave Cas a ride back to his job and that’s all there is to it.”

“Oh, he did drive me back… after we spent some time together in his motel room. We didn’t sleep much, though.”

“I think that’s enough details, don’t you?” Dean said, getting antsy. “So there you go, you know everything. Happy?”

“That’s barely everything, Dean. What about that time when—”

“Okay, that’s enough! He’s got the proof he—”

Jensen looked contrived when he interrupted Dean. “Actually… there’s a thing about that particular episode. Like… the fans are convinced that parts of the story are missing.”

Sam pressed Jensen to continue. “How do you mean?”

“Well… the way this was done… on the show, when we leave Nora’s house, it’s dark.”

“It was about eleven, wasn’t it?” Dean asked Castiel, who nodded.

“Next scene is the next morning, when I drive Cas back to the store. The sun’s up is what I mean to say.”

“My shift started at seven, and Dean dropped me at the Gas-N-Sip around six thirty. What happened on your show between eleven and six?”

Jensen shrugged, the heat back in his cheeks. He knew anything could have happened during that time. He also knew what the fans believed did happen. Even Misha liked to tease him about it, saying Dean had been riding Cas all night. For some reason, he loved to say Dean would be a total bottom.

“Dunno… maybe Dean brought him back to his motel room so Cas could sleep in a bed. Or they slept in the car. Cas had nowhere to live, remember?”

Dean gave Jensen a pointed look. “Sam wasn’t with me. I had rented a single.”

“So?” Jensen knew what Dean was saying, but he didn’t want to believe _his_ Dean had done this.

“So, nothing. Things happened. What, you want details now?”

“Jesus Christ! Of course not!”

 _Were you the bottom?_ Jensen heard Misha ask from somewhere in the back of his mind. He shook his head, hoping the voice would drown in brain juice.

“But, tell me… what happened after… hmm… after being with Cas? You left him alone and went back to the bunker? Like, even after… you know…?”

Dean’s expression turned sheepish. “You should know why I couldn’t bring him back with me. Unless—”

“No, I know… I do remember the need to look pretty sad when we filmed that scene, though. I didn’t know why, but it felt like Dean had to be somewhat heartbroken, you know?”

“I was…” Dean turned to Castiel. “I really was. I didn’t wanna leave you behind, but I had no choice. You know that, right?”

Castiel smiled and put a reassuring hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I know… we’ve talked about this already. Stop worrying about it.”

“Is that all, or…?”

“Sam! Would you shut up already? What, do you get off on that shit?”

Sam’s offended pout made Jensen chuckle again, which earned him an irate glare from Dean.

“That’s funny to you?”

Jensen shrugged and schooled his features into a serious expression, then motioned at the trio to keep going.

“Don’t you wanna make sure that this guy’s actually the one playing you? I mean, he’d obviously be playing Dean Winchester, but we gotta make sure it’s not you, you.”

“Why?”

The three men turned to Jensen. “What do you mean, why? So we can know where to send you, I thought that was clear,” Dean explained as if Jensen himself had been a kid.

“No, I get that, but… why is it important?” This time, Jensen had made sure to lock eyes with Castiel when he spoke.

“The more details we have, the easier it’ll be to determine which is the right universe for you. And so far, we have no proof that you are indeed playing “another” Dean.”

“I explained how I don’t play Dean—”

“Gay, I know.”

“Not one hundred percent straight,” Dean provided under his breath.

Sam scoffed at his brother before taking over. “We just have to make sure your TV show and our lives are different. Seems like Cas and my brother’s relationship would be the main difference.”

“I’d say it’s pretty clear. Told you, whatever happened in Rexburg between them, it didn’t happen in our version.”

“You did say there was an obvious gap between leaving Nora’s home and driving me back to the Gas-N-Sip,” Castiel said, to which Dean nodded again.

“Because nothing happen, there was nothing to tell.”

“Does your Dean ever take dumps? And if he does, do you film it?”

“Of course we don’t, but I’ve filmed sex scenes. Like, the one with that Amazon chick. Super PG, of course, but it was obvious what we were doing.” Jensen pointed his thumb at Sam, a smirk on his face. “This guy had his fair share of those. Steamy ones, too. Can’t wait for Jared’s kids to find that episode where their parents—”

“Okay, enough! We get it!” Sam turned to Castiel. “So… any other times you guys did—”

“Fine! We also did stuff that time Cas found Claire. When she stole his cash and ditched him.”

Jensen shook his head. “See? There’s no way this could have happened. There was no downtime in that episode.”

Sam gave Jensen a doubtful look. “Dean did say they were gonna stay at the restaurant in case Claire popped up again, but when I drove back there, they were gone.”

Dean shrugged, his eyes to the floor. “We went for a quick drive, so what? T’was a family restaurant, didn’t wanna make a scene by hooking up in the restroom.” He looked up again, defying his brother to say something.

As he tried to remember the episode, Jensen was forced to admit he didn’t recall a scene when Sam and Dean met up again. Pretty sure it went from them being in the restaurant to something else much, much later. Dread started settling low in his gut.

While Jensen started building himself some sort of panic attack, Sam pressed his brother to continue. “What else?”

“I dunno, man. I—” The expression on Dean’s face when he looked up made Castiel squint at him. “I—the first time—it wasn’t really my first time—with you, I mean,” he admitted in a low voice.

It was Castiel’s turn to shrug. “I know.”

“What? How? Did you get inside my head again?”

“I didn’t need to, I know you, Dean. And it’s okay, I get it. I probably would have done the same.”

Sam started getting impatient. “You guys gonna share, or…?”

“Dean had sex with the version of me he met in Zachariah’s future.”

“All he did was blow me, okay? Didn’t have sex!” Dean defended himself.

“A blow-job is still sex, Dean,” Sam said before turning to Jensen. “You know what he’s talking about?”

Of course, Jensen knew. Except he didn’t want to think about it anymore. Every episodes they would come up with, they all had decent chunks of time unaccounted for. Because they weren’t filming _24_ -style. Because episodes could only be so long and couldn’t show everything that happened every minute of every day.

Didn’t mean whatever the characters did during those down times had to be… that!

As he tried to think what other episodes could have been favorable to Dean and Cas getting close, Jensen realized he couldn’t think of any. They’d almost filmed two hundred and fifty episodes so far, there was no way he could remember them all, let alone recall such inane details.

 _Maybe I did land in my Supernatural after all_ , he thought, reluctant, before promising himself not to give up trying to prove otherwise.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, I like that story? Can I say that? Can I like my own story and just come out and say it? I’m thinking it should be wrong, but it kinda feels right, you know?
> 
> Okay… I’ll shut up now.
> 
> Still, I gotta say, what I like even more is you guys. Makes me so darn happy to see people reading and liking it, and then telling me about it. I swear, I’m not trying to butter you all up, it’s just how I feel. So… yeah… I’m a mushy MarmeLady!
> 
> This is where I kinda take even more liberties with my Jensen character. It’s nothing that won’t have already been tackled in many RPF pieces, yet I thought I should remind you that this is happening. 'Cause, I can’t deny it, I’m into Cockles, whatever form it takes. Kinda… 
> 
> Except there is ONE thing I won’t do, and that is to dismiss their wives… meaning I’m very partial to the "polyamory" side of Cockles. If there’s bangin', there’s no cheatin'. So there you go… just another warning! loll
> 
> I really hope you’ll like this new chapter. As I said last time, I think this one will conclude after 7 chapters (so… kinda soon). If it has to go further, it’ll be 8, and no more than that.
> 
> I’ll see you for Chapter 5 in two days, and in the meantime, I truly enjoy reading and talking to you, so don’t hesitate. You can also come and see me on [Tumblr](http://marmeladyorange.tumblr.com/) if you like.
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> .

“So… right now isn’t an episode for you, is it?” Sam asked when Jensen came back from the bathroom. His latest realization had triggered the urge to throw up again. Thankfully, he only dry heaved, deep breathing helping him through it.

Jensen scrunched up his nose and looked up at Sam, opening his mouth without a sound ever escaping his lips. He settled for shaking his head.

“Because things are happening… like… we gotta find Kelly, and—”

“You will.”

The words had come out before Jensen could stop them. He clapped a hand over his mouth, convinced he shouldn’t be telling them about their future. He found a way to change the subject in noticing Dean and Castiel had disappeared. “Where are the other two?”

“Checking out. The ghost is dust so we’re driving back to Lebanon,” Sam explained, going around the room to make sure they didn’t forget anything. “What do you mean, we’ll find Kelly? Where is she?”

Shaking his head, Jensen grabbed his flannel and coat, only putting the latter back on. “Nope! I’m not telling you a thing. It’s like going into the past and warning people about what’s to come. I can’t do that.”

“Well, according to you, we aren’t even real, so…”

“What if I’m wrong? Anyway, I haven’t read the scripts for the last two episodes yet, so I don’t know everything. I have a vague idea of what’s gonna happen, but not in details. Just stop asking, okay?”

“Fine… it’s not like I can force you, can I?”

Jensen’s throat dried up again, knowing that if he really wanted to, Sam could make him talk. Hell, they all could, and it wouldn’t be that hard. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, already trying to think of lies he could come up with if need be.

“What was your last case? Before this one, I mean.”

The actor felt the need to know when in the show’s timeline he had landed. He figured they probably were between episodes twenty and twenty-one, but he had to be certain. Sam shrugged and zipped his duffel close.

“We went hunting werewolves with Mick. Claire got bit, but we’re not telling Cas about that,” he added, giving him a pointed look

Once more, Jensen had to stop the words from spilling out. With so much bullshit coming their way, it was hella tempting to start warning them. Instead, he focused on the fact that they were a tad behind filming. That universe seemed to be lining up with the airing of the episodes. He failed to determine if that made sense or not.

“I gotta go back, man. I can’t stay here.” _If I stay, I’m gonna die for damn sure_ , he added to himself, on the verge of praying to Chuck.

“That’s why we’re bringing you back to the bunker. You’ll be safe there.”

 _You wish_ , Dean almost said, remembering what they were just about to film. Nothing, nor anyone, was really ever safe in this show.

Without another word, Sam threw his bag over his shoulder and opened the door, Jensen trotting behind him. When a bright sunny glare hit Jensen’s eyes again, he shut them tight in the hopes he’d find himself back where he belonged the second he’d open them again.

When he did, he was confronted with the sight of Dean Winchester and Castiel leaning on the gleaming Impala, far too close to each other for Jensen’s own comfort. He thought back to that musical episode, not sure anymore how he had played Dean reacting to hints of a relationship between Dean and Castiel.

“So… just thought of something,” Jensen started as he went to stand before Dean. “Remember when you went to that all-girl school? They were doing a Supernatural musical?”

Dean gave him a silent nod.

“Weren’t you freaked out when Sam started speaking of you two being together?” As he spoke, Jensen prayed he wasn’t wrong about Dean’s reaction. “If you guys had indeed gotten together already—”

“‘Cause I wasn’t ready to talk about it, that’s why.” Dean glanced at Castiel whose eyes were fixated on Dean. “I don’t care as much now… got my head outta my ass, I guess.” Dean looked back at Jensen. “Unlike you, apparently.”

“So, you coming with us, Cas?” Sam asked, eager for the subject to change already.

“I have to—”

“You can’t leave me here alone with them,” Jensen said, grabbing the angel’s coat sleeve. “Only you can send me home.”

Castiel frowned and got out of Jensen’s hold, brushing the creases out. “I will return to the bunker, I just have to make a quick stop beforehand.”

“Want me to go with you?” Dean asked with his keys in hand, ready to give them to Sam.

“I need to consult with Joshua in Heaven. You can’t come.”

“You sure that’s a good idea? Angels aren’t too happy with you, man.”

“I know, but I’ll be okay,” Castiel promised Dean before grazing a soft hand over the hunter’s arm. For a second, Jensen feared they were going to kiss. “I’ll text you when I’m on my way back.”

Dean, Sam, and Jensen looked on as Castiel hauled his body up in the old pick-up truck. He waved at them before speeding out of the parking lot.

“Do I get to ride shotgun?” Jensen asked when Dean went to sit behind the wheel. Sam’s snickered as he got in the passenger side, leaving a partly offended Jensen to slide his body in the backseat. Rather than sitting, he lied on his back with his knees bent, bunching up the flannel to use as a pillow.

“Wake me when we’re there, then,” he said, closing his eyes.

Jensen hadn’t really believed he would be falling asleep, even though he had a reputation of being able to sleep anywhere. Still, the Impala’s doors slamming shut startled him awake. He sat up to see they were in the bunker’s garage already. He got out and stood there, in awe. Once more, although it looked exactly like the set, it didn’t feel like one. The walls were full, the ceilings were high, and it actually smelled like oil and gasoline.

“You okay?” Dean asked.

“Yeah… it’s just… it’s all so real, you know?”

Both hunters chuckled and shook their heads, leading the way out of the garage into the bunker. Jensen followed in silence, grazing his fingers over the walls and doors. Everything was the same, just… solid, worn out, and dusty. The bunker looked like it had been there for a long time and, clearly, the guys hadn’t bothered cleaning the whole place up.

When shooting the show, everything had to be spotless, which in hindsight didn’t make that much sense. Dean may have been some kind of freak when it came to tidying up, he’d only wanna do so much and wouldn’t bother with the areas they didn’t use. And, well, with them being away for days at a time, dust would no doubt amass all over the furniture and floors.

And it had.

“You could use a maid in here,” Jensen said when he spotted a big spider web stretched high across the hallway.

“If you leave the spiders alone, you get less of the other bugs,” Sam provided, with Dean humming in assent.

“I wouldn’t mind having a maid around though,” Dean soon added, amused. “You know, the legit kind, with the short black skirt, the cleavage, the white apron, the little hat thingy…”

“Dean, you’re confusing porn with reality again,” Sam said.

While the brothers chuckled as they made their way to the library, Jensen tried to ignore the image that popped into his mind: Misha wearing some poor version of a French maid’s outfit over his regular clothes during some event many years ago. Dee had found the image hilarious and used as Misha’s contact image on her phone for some time.

Jensen tried to shake the memory away and accelerated the pace. He needed to keep up, certain he’d be getting lost otherwise; the actual bunker was a damn maze. Until he was hit by a stroke of genius – or so he believed – and stopped walking.

“I know what’s different!” he exclaimed, making the brothers stop and turn around. “The girls! My Dean, he’s been hooking up with girls while you’ve been seeing Cas. At least two this season.”

He couldn’t have explained why – not that he wanted to – but the thought filled him with some sort of relief.

Both brothers tilted their head and crossed their arms over their chests, Dean squinting at Jensen. “What’s your point?”

“Well, you haven’t been with other girls, have you? You’ve only been with Cas since—”

“We’re not exclusive, if that’s what you mean. Told you before; we’re not in a relationship.”

Jensen’s heart sank a bit. “So… you’re being unfaithful?”

“Sam, would you mind explaining to this clown how me and Cas are not together? Don’t think he hears me when I tell him.”

“I hear you,” Jensen said, getting impatient. “I just don’t get it. So what is it? Casual sex between buddies?”

Sam visibly bristled before turning around. “I don’t wanna know,” he threw over his shoulder, leaving the double mint twins to settle the matter on their own.

Dean scoffed, tempted to follow his brother and leave Jensen behind.

“I shouldn’t have to explain that stuff to you. Aren’t you supposed to know how I think and shit? It can’t be the first time you hear about friends with benefits.”

 _Or polyamory_ , Mind-Misha provided this time, making Jensen cringe. _My Dean’s not… okay, that’s a lie. He’d totally be up for that._

“You’re gonna have to explain because I obviously don’t get it,” Jensen still said, not sure he even knew Dean anymore.

“It’s not that complicated, man,” Dean said, rolling his eyes. “See, I like Cas, he likes me, we bump uglies once in a while. Most of the time, he’s hold up I don’t know where doing I don’t know what. I do my own thing, meet nice girls along the way, things happen. Do you get it now?”

“He doesn’t mind?”

Dean didn’t look all that certain anymore. “We didn’t talk about it, not really,” he admitted. “It’s not like I’m hiding anything from him either. I’ve told him about those other girls, and he didn’t seem to mind.”

Jensen nodded, following behind Dean who had started walking again. “What if he had stayed human? He would have eventually been living here with you, right? Would you guys have been exclusive then?”

“I don’t know, all right?” Dean almost yelled, pivoting to face Jensen. “If you know me so fucking well, then why don’t you tell me, huh?”

Okay… pushing Dean Winchester’s buttons had to be the worst tactic ever, so Jensen decided he’d be better to try and ease the tension.

“See, that could be another proof I’m not playing you. You say fuck, my Dean says frick.”

Letting out an impatient groan, Dean turned back around, ignoring his unwanted guest as he stomped down the hall. Jensen quickly followed, worried he’d actually get lost if he didn’t keep up. Reaching the library filled Jensen with awe again, mostly because of the air. That was how a library such as this one should smell; musty, woodsy, with a hint of old wax, and paper, and ink.

Jensen was browsing through the many – real – books filling the tall bookcases when a loud thump startled him. He turned to see Sam securing a pile of books he’d just dropped on the table. Sam made sure to catch the actor’s gaze when he spoke.

“This is all I found about alternate realities. You can start reading while I go take a shower,” he said. “You too!” he added, pointing at his brother who answered by blowing a raspberry at him.

“Didn’t he just take a shower this morning?” Jensen asked Dean, who shrugged.

“My brother’s a big delicate girl, whatcha gonna do? You saw the hair, right?” Dean quipped as he grabbed the first book from the pile and sat down, propping his feet up on the table. “Say, that Jared guy… he’s okay with keeping his hair like that? I mean… doesn’t he wish he could just…” he said, mimicking scissors with his fingers.

“He likes his hair long, yeah,” Jensen answered with a chuckle, him too grabbing a book. “Pretty sure there’d be a slew of heart attacks in the fandom if he decided to cut it.”

As he spoke, Jensen marveled at the feeling of the old parchment pages crackling under his fingers. For a moment he wondered if they shouldn’t be using those fancy little pliers and cotton gloves to manipulate the ancient volumes. They read in silence for some time, Jensen almost ripping off the page he’d been reading when Dean spoke again.

“So you guys got kids, huh? How’s that goin’ for you?”

When he looked, Jensen saw Dean immersed in his own book, not looking all that interested. Jensen smirked, knowing the hunter was faking it.

“It’s great. We had twins not long ago, quite the challenge. A boy and a girl.” He cleared his throat, hoping he’d be able to keep the emotions at bay. Would he ever get to see his family again? “Got a four-year-old daughter, too.”

“What about Sam and Cas? Huh… Jared and Misha?”

“Jared’s got two boys and his wife’s right about to pop a little girl out,” Jensen said, smiling. “Misha’s got a boy and a girl.”

Dean nodded, his eyes never leaving the book in his hands. “That’s great. I mean, you guys get to have families, that’s awesome.” He then looked up at Jensen. “There’s no way a wife and kids could be in the cards for any of us, is there?”

Chewing at his lower lip, Jensen shrugged. He knew how he believed the show should end, and there was no way he’d ever be telling Dean about it. As he feigned reading his own book, he let his thoughts wander.

Maybe they should end the show already, if only to let the guys lead the sort of life they wanted. Instead of the brothers going out in a blaze of glory, the show could end in more of an open and positive way. Not ending with Sam and Dean dead, but instead giving them the chance to choose their own destinies.

And so what if Dean and Castiel were endgame after all? It’s not like he’d have to film it.

 _Not that I’d have a problem with that_ , he reassured himself before Mind-Misha could intervene. He’d have no problem filming an intimate scene with Mish, or with any other guy for that matter. _Just not as Dean Winchester._

“Don’t think fans will let it happen,” Jensen chose to answer. “There’s a reason every girl you’ve had a chance to get remotely close to just… went away. Lots of fans believe it should be about the brothers and nobody else.”

“So what? My brother and I, we can’t be happy ‘cause a bunch of fangirls fantasize about us boning each other?”

“That’s not what I’m saying at all,” Jensen said, the headache from earlier showing its ugly face again. “It’s not a romantic show, and I kind of agree with that. It’s about the brothers hunting evil… you’ve seen what happens when you or Sam get attached, didn’t you?”

“Well… yeah… except now you’re telling me it’s people writing this shit up. If that’s the case, then they should be able to write happy things too.”

“Like Sam getting a dog?”

“As if Dean would ever let me have a dog!” they heard Sam say as he walked back in the library with his hair up in a loose bun.

Jensen gaped at the sight, then turned an inquisitive eye on Dean. He’d seen Jared with a man bun before, but never Sam. Dean gave him half a shrug and a contrite smile.

“Told ya he was a big girl…”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, the things happening in that chapter… I went all out, barely refrained myself. I was this close to having to change the rating, too…
> 
> Poor Jensen, I’m really making this hard for him. Wish I could be more sorry about that!
> 
> I truly hope you’ll like where this seems to be going… if you can’t handle Cockles and are still reading, then I’m sorry for you… 
> 
> But I did warn you guys. :D lol
> 
> Once again, a whole lotta thank yous for the reading, and commenting, and kudo'ing. I’m hoping to keep making you happy as this story slowly comes to a close. If all goes to plan, the final chapter will be published 4 days from now (Thursday), with the 6th one published Tuesday.
> 
> I’m real happy about that, mostly because the fic I wrote for the Team Free Will Big Bang will be published next Sunday. (self-promo? why not)
> 
> Anyway, right now THIS story here is the important one. I’ll let you read on now, and I hope you’ll like that one.
> 
> See you again in two days!
> 
> .

Castiel walked in the bunker a couple of hours later with an extra-large pepperoni pizza, a six pack of Dean’s favorite – awful – beer, and an apple and cinnamon pie.

“Aww! Thanks, Cas. You shouldn’t have,” Dean cooed when the angel dropped everything on the table.

“You texted me asking that I stop for food,” Castiel responded, squinting at the hunter who just shrugged, his mouth already full of pizza.

Unlike the brothers, Jensen didn’t keep on researching as he ate, worried he’d be getting sauce and grease all over the books. He was so hungry that he finished his two slices in record time, fighting against the urge to grab a third one. His usual eating habits, and the sudden twist in his gut convinced him otherwise.

“Bathroom?” he asked, the noises coming from his midsection getting louder.

“To the left here, until you reach a small staircase, then straight ahead. Right next to the shower room.”

Jensen nodded and followed Dean’s instructions to find the toilet. Like everything else he’d seen so far, it was old and worn. _At least it looks clean enough_ , he thought as he inspected the porcelain apparatus. The urgent rumble of his belly deterred him from wrapping the seat in toilet paper and he sat down just in time.

“Damn fast food crap… egg whites my ass,” he muttered, looking around to try and find something to read as he did his business. Once more, he regretted having forgotten his phone. He wouldn’t have been able to call anyone he knew, but he could have played one of the games. Or browse through pictures of Danneel and the kids.

 _Could I even play the games I have?_ he wondered, choosing not to dwell on how he missed his world. They had Netflix, so it was logical to think they might have had the same games, too. Not that he remembered any particular app ever being mentioned. _Like I’d remember anyway._

“You okay in there?” he heard Dean say from outside the door. Jensen couldn’t have been gone for that long, could he?

“Yeah… huh… gimme a minute,” he answered, glancing at his wrist. He’d only been gone for a little over ten minutes, according to Dean’s watch. Was there a pooping time limit in this universe?

“Just checkin’… take your time.”

Jensen waited for the sound of Dean walking away to ease out before breathing again. Another five minutes later, he was flushing the toilet and washing his hands with a cracked yellow bar of soap. It too looked like it had been there since the fifties. He sniffed it, relieved to find it smelled normal enough.

As he made his way back to the library, Jensen stopped when he came across what looked like the hallway leading to the bedrooms. He hesitated only a second before stalking to the door he believed had to be Dean’s bedroom.

 _Just a little peek_ , Jensen promised himself. He knew what the room looked like, still he felt the need to see it, to immerse himself in the real thing. Sadly, opening the door gave him a whole other kind of view, one he wished he’d never seen.

The sight of Castiel – _sans_ trench coat – on all fours and straddling Dean while they ate each other’s face off would forever be burned in Jensen’s mind. And no matter how he wanted to look away, he couldn’t, his eyes refusing to move or even blink.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out when he noticed Dean’s hands grabbing at Castiel’s belt buckle. He had had to say something, or else—

Startled, both men stopped kissing to look at the intruder.

“Do you mind?” Dean eventually said, his voice hoarse. “We’re kind of in the middle of something here.”

His own mouth as dry as the sahara, Jensen cleared his throat and nodded before finally being able to look away. He slammed the door shut and power-walked back to the library, hoping Sam wouldn’t mind telling him where they kept the strong booze.

“You okay? You’ve been gone a while. Cas and Dean—”

“Where’s the whiskey?” Jensen asked, flustered. “Please?”

Sam could hardly keep a serious face when he pointed at a cabinet. “There should be a bottle and glasses in there. I’ll have some too, if you don’t mind.”

Jensen nodded and brought back the bottle with two glasses, filling half of them with the liquor. Unlike the beer, whatever that thing was actually tasted nice. Not as good as what he and Jared had the night before, but close enough.

“I take it that you saw something you didn’t want to see?” Sam asked, smirking.

“You can say that again.”

“I get it… been there, done that,” Sam added, clinking his glass with Jensen’s. “Dean’s not as subtle as he thinks he is. Did they see you?”

Jensen nodded and took another swig. “You don’t find this shit weird at all?”

Sam shook his head, still with that damn smirk on his face. “Nah… why should I?”

At a loss for actual reasons for Dean’s queerness to be weird, Jensen shrugged. Of course, being gay, or bisexual at it so happened, shouldn’t be seen as weird. He himself had an aunt that was gay, and it never was a problem for him. As for his own sexuality—

Jensen downed the content of his glass before filling it up again. He thought about what else they could talk about, hoping that changing the subject would help the discomfort to ease a bit. Whiskey could only help so much.

“So… Cas… did he get to meet… hmm… Joshua?”

Sam kept his eyes on his book as he spoke. “He did.”

“And?”

“And he’ll tell us later. Apparently, he had more pressing matters to attend to.” Sam biting his lips to avoid laughing didn’t go unnoticed.

“Enough of that shit. I can’t wait anymore,” Jensen spat before downing his glass again. He got up to leave the library, ignoring how the liquor had already started making him less steady on his feet.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” he heard Sam say, but Jensen brushed it off. He couldn’t find it in himself to care about Dean’s delicate feelings anymore. Castiel needed to send him home right this minute, not matter how horny he was.

“Open up!” he yelled, banging on Dean’s door. “Send me back home now!”

He was still hitting the wood with his fist when the door opened on a dishevelled – and very naked – Castiel. Jensen swallowed when his eyes slipped downward on their own accord, getting an eyeful of the angelic erection. _Like what you see, Jackles_? Mind-Misha said, teasing.

“Shut up!” Jensen said out loud, which granted him with an irate squint. “Sorry, not talking to you. I mean… Sam said you saw Joshua. Can you send me home or not?”

Before Castiel could answer, Dean’s flushed face appeared over the angel’s shoulder. “Look, dude… I know this is freaking you out and what not, but we kinda need a minute here. Go bother Sam or something, take a nap, I don’t care. Just go away!”

“If you didn’t keep interrupting us, we’d probably be done by now,” Castiel provided before slamming the door in Jensen’s face.

Dumbstruck, Jensen didn’t think to move until he heard a thump and saw the door rattle. He could very well imagine what had just happened, the image of Dean pushing Castiel against the door clear in his mind. Until he remembered how Dean had always been somewhat submissive when he hooked up with chicks. Why should it be any different with a guy?

“Shit! Not now,” he scolded himself when he felt little Jensen stir in his pants. He backed away from the door, trying to keep his thoughts clean.

No dice.

When a loud moan erupted from behind Dean’s door, Jensen started running toward the library. He ran past it and into the war room, then up the stairs to go through the door.

It was dark outside, and a bit chilly, but at least Jensen could breathe again. He stopped running when he reached the road, knowing he had nowhere else to go. It wasn’t like he could hitchhike back home. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply until the tightness in his pants eased up.

He noticed Sam  standing on top of the outside stairs and looking at him as he made his way back to the bunker.

“Told you not to go,” he said when Jensen had gotten close enough. “Man, you’re really freaked out by this, aren’t you? I thought actors like yourself were all open-minded and stuff.”

“You think seeing two men together is what’s freaking me out?” Jensen asked. “I don’t care about that. It’s just—it’s difficult to explain, I guess.”

Sam sat on top of the stairs and waved a hand at Jensen so he would join him. “Try me.”

Jensen barely hesitated, knowing Sam probably was be the best one to be explaining that shit to. And in some weird way, it felt like he was talking to his best friend. Just… a less excited version of said best friend, maybe.

“All right. It’s like this. When I play Dean, in no way shape or form would I ever make him lust after a guy. Because that’s not who he is. In my reality, I mean.”

Sam nodded, but didn’t say a word, encouraging Jensen to continue.

“So, when people try and tell me Dean is bisexual, or gay, then it kinda undermines my work, you know?”

“How?”

“What Dean feels, and how I choose to demonstrate it… it’s like it doesn’t come through. Makes me feel like shit, like I’m the worst actor in the world, you know? I have to keep defending my acting choices and constantly remind the fans that it’s not how I play Dean… and it’s frustrating as hell.”

“I see… let me ask you this, then. If Castiel’s vessel had been female, how would your Dean have felt about him. Or her, actually.”

Jensen took a second to think about it, not that he needed to. “Pretty sure they would have gotten together at some point.”

Sam nodded. “I agree, and it would have happened much earlier, too. Now answer this: Would the Castiel character have been different? Like, would a female Castiel have taken the same decisions, made the same mistakes, or even felt the same about Dean?”

“I guess…”

“Then what’s the difference?”

Jensen quirked an eyebrow at Sam. “Penis and facial hair, for starters,” he said, making Sam chuckle.

“Okay, let’s try something else. What’s your take on Dr. Sexy? What are your Dean’s feelings about him?”

“He’s a fan, can’t deny that.”

“To what extent? Because, I swear he was flustered when we saw him in Gabriel’s TV reality. Is this how you played Dean?”

“I—I guess—I don’t remember, frankly. I might have made him to be fangirling a bit. Okay… a lot.”

“I’ll say… and he did it again with Gunner Lawless.”

“Who?”

“The wrestler? Dean was legit drooling when we met him. He didn’t even look once at Rio, and she’s damn gorgeous.”

“I’ll admit that my Dean has a tendency to idealize men. Still, I think you can admire someone without wanting to fuck them. So what if he gets flustered when he’s faced with celebrities he really likes? Doesn’t mean sex is on the table.”

“I know. I’m just trying to understand why you’re making such a big deal out of this. What if Dean realized later in life that he’s got a thing for guys? Would it be so bad?”

Jensen shivered when a gust of wind blew past them. “D’you mind if we go back inside? It’s cold as shit.”

Without a word, Sam got up to lead the way back inside. They went to sit in the library, still devoid of Castiel and Dean’s presence. Sam poured some more whiskey in their glasses before reminding Jensen he had asked him a question. “So, would it be so bad?”

“Look… I have a hard time believing anyone could never know what they like. I mean, shutting your desires down for whatever reason is one thing, but never even suspecting it? I don’t buy that. If I had known this could be a possibility, if I’d known Misha would come on the show and be—and be who he is, that his character would become so important, then I might have played Dean in a different way. But I didn’t, and now it’s much too late to change.”

Sam shook his head, looking disappointed. “What do the other actors think about it all?”

For the first time in a while, Jensen genuinely laughed. “Ah man… Misha’s all for it, he’d go for the romantic plot between Cas and Dean in a heartbeat. He’s adamant to the fact that Castiel’s got the hots for Dean. As for Jared, he kinda gets where I’m coming from, you know? And, well… it’s not Cas and Dean that he likes to tease me about.”

 _Shut up!_ his brain provided while Misha’s laugh echoed in the background.

“What does he tease you about?”

Again, words passed Jensen’s lips before he could stop them. “Mish and me… Jar likes to tease me about the fact that some of the fans believe Misha and I are sleeping together.”

“Are you?”

Dean and Castiel coming back into the library gave Jensen the excuse he needed not to answer that loaded question. Instead, he let his gaze travel on both men as they came to sit at the table; hadn’t he seen it with his own two eyes, Jensen would never have believed what Cas and Dean had been up to just moments ago. They looked as they always did, not even a hair out of place.

“Where were we?” Dean said, putting his feet back on the table and ignoring his brother’s scowl as he did.

“I was about to learn if Jensen and Misha are sleeping together.”

Jensen gaped at Sam. _That little shit…_

“You little shit,” he repeated, this time out loud. “There’s a lot more Jared in you than I thought.”

“Well, well, well… things are getting pretty interesting,” Dean provided while Castiel stood beside him, not looking all that interested in the conversation. “So… are you?”

“It’s not like that,” Jensen said in a stammer, berating himself as to how he wasn’t able to keep his damn mouth shut. “We’re close, okay?”

“Close like, say… friends with benefits?” Dean said, not so gleeful anymore. “Like me and Cas here?”

“No… it’s not that, okay? It’s…” Jensen sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “We’re—we’re boyfriends, all right? There! You know everything! Can I be sent home now?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seem to be having a case of attention deficit today, been trying to publish this for a couple of hours now and I keep getting distracted… by stupid stuff too, like an email, FB stuff, having to watch specific youtube videos… you know, useful stuff!!!
> 
> So… yeah… there we are, the Cockles’ out of the bag! Except Jensen, being who he is, isn’t all that eager to talk about it. There are more pressing matters to attend to, anyway. Still, there’s gonna be a bit of Jensen-Misha action. How real is it? I don’t know… I guess we’ll see! :D
> 
> I’m a total tease, and a liar (I swear, my pants are on fire)! Of course I know if it’s true or not! M’not telling you!
> 
> What’s even more real is the lump I get in my throat when I read this chapter’s last line. Am I proud of it? Hell’s to the yeah! Am I an overly emotional person these days? Yes, I am… so maybe I’m a bit compromised.
> 
> Still… I got the chills when I wrote it, and every other time I read it because I do that a lot.
> 
> Which reminds me: I haven’t told you that, but this thing you’ve been reading, it hasn’t been beta’d… so just know that every mistake, typo, and inconsistencies you may encounter are my own!! (yay!)
> 
> I’m still super excited about your reactions to the last chapter, so glad you liked that. And I can only hope you’ll like this one as well. As always, please know that I’m super pumped to read your thoughts, and thank you for keeping on reading and I hope I can keep you all with me until the very end. Which will be, unless I get hit over the head with another "idea", in two days… Thursday.
> 
> I’ll see you again soon, my dears… 
> 
> Oh… and it doesn’t have a thing to do with the story, but I can only hope y’all being safe out there if you’re in Texas and around. Take care of yourselves and all the very best to you and the ones you love!!! ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

“You’re not going anywhere, pretty boy!” Dean said, his voice a low growl. “You’ve been giving me the third degree about getting with Cas while you’re out there boning a dude behind your wife’s back? How much of a fucking hypocrite are you?”

Jensen chose to ignore his doppleganger, sending a watery gaze to Castiel instead. “Castiel, please, I’m begging you. I wish I could just click my heels and go home – it won’t work, I tried. Send. Me. Home! Now!”

“Ease up, would you?” Sam intervened. “I’m sure if Cas knew how to send you back, he would have done it already.”

“I can’t stay here,” Jensen said under his breath. The thought of never seeing his family again made his throat close up, the tears threatening to spill out.

“I agree, you can’t stay here,” Castiel said after some time, coming to sit between Jensen and Dean. “According to Joshua, there’s no way to send you back—”

“What?”

Castiel glared at Jensen, intimating him to shut up. Jensen gulped and nodded.

“As I was saying, there’s no way to send you back. Not until we know exactly what happened before you landed here.”

Worried he’d be shut down again, Jensen held a finger in the air, requesting permission to speak. Not bothering to hide his annoyance, Castiel nodded.

“I told you what happened already.”

“You need to tell us again, in minute details this time. We have to go over every single thing that happened. You can’t leave anything out.”

“It’s not like I’m doing this on purpose. I told you Jared and I were drinking and I blacked-out. I woke up in my trailer this morning and when I walked out, I was in the motel’s parking lot.”

“What were you drinking? Do you remember?”

“Whisky.”

“What kind?”

Having a hard time believing the liquor itself could be to blame, Jensen still shut his eyes to try and remember; it wasn’t like he had bought it himself. He pictured the painted box that had been sitting in his trailer since his birthday; wooden, blue, with white and gold markings.

“Macallan! Thirty years!” he blurted out when his mind provided him with a clearer picture of the bottle itself. “Came in a blue box.”

Castiel turned to Dean. “Do you know that brand?” he asked, to which Dean shook his head.

“I’m sure it’s super expensive, if you even have that here,” Jensen provided while Sam started typing on his laptop. Nobody spoke again until Sam turned the computer to face Jensen.

“I can’t find anything by that name. The only one I found that has a blue box is—”

“Johnny Walker Blue Label,” Jensen said, crestfallen. “That makes sense, we did use it on the show. That other one was never even mentioned, I’m sure.”

Dean leaned over Castiel to address Jensen. “I know where we can buy some Blue Label, if we need to. It’s kind of expensive, but—”

“That won’t be necessary,” Castiel said. “Unless we can find the exact brand Jensen drank, it won’t help. Not that I really think the whisky is the cause of Jensen crossing over.”

As Castiel kept pressing him with questions, Jensen found himself getting increasingly tired. He glanced at his watch; almost two in the morning. He looked up when Dean cleared his throat.

“Got somewhere better to be?” he asked, frowning.

“It’s kinda late, don’t you think? I’ve been up forever and… I’m pretty sure that interrogation thing is a huge waste of time.”

“We wouldn’t be having this problem if you could hold your booze,” Dean said while Sam got up, stretching his arms over his head.

“He’s not wrong, Dean. I’m pretty beat myself,” Sam offered, shutting the lid of his computer. “We can resume in the morning. Maybe Jensen will remember more stuff after a good night sleep.”

“And where’s he gonna sleep?”

Sam thought for a second before answering. “Kevin’s old room?”

Jensen saw Dean pinch his lips, a shadow of grief clouding his features.

“Osric… the guy that plays Kevin? He’s alive in my world, if that’s any consolation.”

Dean chuckled then shook his head. “Osric? Are you fucking kidding me? I swear, your dimension sucks ass when it comes to naming people.”

“It’s from Hamlet,” both Sam and Castiel said before grinning at each other.

“Nerds,” Dean muttered, rolling his eyes. “What about Charlie? Or Bobby? Mom and Dad? Someone has to have a decent name.”

Sam puffed out his chest, smiling. “I do!”

“The girl that played Charlie, her name’s Felicia. And Bobby’s played by a Jim,” Jensen said, hoping nobody would notice how he spoke of Bobby in the present tense. That was one of the things he knew about the future episodes, how Bobby would make an appearance toward the end. Except they couldn’t be told that.

“Mom’s Samantha and Dad’s Jeffrey… Jeffrey Dean, actually,” he added, which made a delighted smile appear on Dean’s face. “They’re all alive and well… in my reality, I mean.”

“That’s good. I guess that means we can hope seeing them again, am I right?” Sam asked. “I mean, Mom came back. And we did see Kevin for a second last year, when Chuck—”

“Chuck! What’s this guy’s name? Is it weird?” Dean asked, very much liking this new game.

“Not so much, no. His name’s Rob – Robert…”

Jensen yawned, exaggeratedly so, hoping Dean would stop and let him go to sleep already. If he had to go through every single actor that ever worked on the show, he’d never be getting any sleep. And, well, he didn’t really like to admit it, but he knew he probably wouldn’t remember all of their names anyway.

“Come on, I’ll show you where you can lay your head,” Sam said, an understanding smile on his lips. “I know you don’t have a change of clothes, but you might still wanna take a shower or something. Maybe Dean could—”

“Nope! Not giving my clothes away. Unlike this guy, I gotta pay for them,” Dean countered, landing a soft hand between Castiel’s shoulder blades. “Goin’ to bed, so… don’t come knocking,” he added as they both disappeared in the hall.

Sam chuckled before motioning to Jensen to follow him. “Not saying you should take a shower right this minute, but I’ll show you where it’s at.” Although he kind of knew where the showers were, he let Sam lead him to a heavy wooden door. “You’ll find all you need in there; there’s towels, soap, shampoo…”

“Okay, thanks!” Jensen said. A shower would be awesome right about now, but he knew he might collapse and crack his head open on the tiles he was so tired. “The room?” he just asked. Sam led the way, walking past Dean’s room rather quickly to reach the end of the hall.

“Linda took most of Kevin’s stuff when they left… whatever’s still in there is fair use.”

“Great, thanks!”

Jensen had to stop himself from taking Sam in his arms. He’d probably let it happen, but Jensen knew the guy wasn’t really Jared. His eyes stung again at the thought of his friends and family so far away from him.

He settled for waving him goodbye before locking himself in the room, not bothering to shut the light off as he fell on the mattress with his eyes closed. He only had time to see his wife and kids appear behind his eyelids before sleep finally claimed him.

_“I thought we said we’d only have one drink.”_

_Jared gives Jensen a mischievous smile before filling up both their glasses again, this time almost up to the rim._

_“That shit’s too good to go to waste, Jay,” Jared says, a bit of the pricey liquor spilling when he clinks their glasses together. “And it’s not like we gotta drive back home or anything. We can sleep in our trailers.”_

_Jensen knows Jared is right. Doesn’t mean he wants to drink himself silly, especially since they’re scheduled to film the bunker shoot-out the next morning. They spent most of the day today learning and rehearsing the choreography for that scene. They can’t go and mess it all up by coming to set hungover._

_Yet, Jensen drinks what he’s been served. And when his glass gets refilled again, Jensen doesn’t really care anymore about what’s to come. He feels nice, he feels safe, he’s warm from the inside out._

_They’re almost done with their third glass when the door of the trailer flies open._

_“You guys are having a party and you don’t even invite me?” Misha says as he walks in. He shuts the door behind him and comes to sit on the sofa, right next to Jensen._

_“What are you doing here? You’re not even in this episode,” Jared says as he gets up and staggers to the kitchenette to grab a glass in the overhead cabinet. “That shit’s real good,” he adds after filling the glass and pushing it into Misha’s hand._

_“Looks like you’ve been enjoying it, yes,” Misha agrees, raising the glass in a salute before taking a small sip and putting it back on the coffee table._

_His eyes glued to his boyfriend, Jensen licks his lips and smiles. “Hey,” he says, bumping their shoulders together. “What are you doing here?”_

_“Aren’t you happy to see me?” Misha says in lieu of answering. He smiles that gummy smile of his before pressing his lips against Jensen’s._

_It doesn’t take more than that for Jensen to even forget he had asked a question, carding a hand behind Misha’s head and pulling him in to deepen the kiss._

_“If y’all gonna go and start humping each other, I think I better go to my trailer.”_

_Misha and Jensen start chuckling in each other’s mouths._

_“Don’t be an idiot, Jar,” Jensen says in a slur after he’s let Misha go. “We’ll behave,” he promises before taking the bottle to fill his and Jared’s glasses again. “Drink up, Mish… ain’t a party if ya ain’t drunk.”_

_“Not thirsty. Not really a party either, is it?” Misha says as leans back on the sofa. “I’d rather go to sleep,” he adds, giving Jensen an unequivocal look._

_At the sight, Jared doubles over in laughter._

_“You boyfriend’s horny, Jay!” he says, clinking his glass to Misha’s. “Y’all should fuck and film it. Oh… oh! And y’all should be dressed as Dean and Cas! Imagine that? Man… that would break. The. Internet! Fangirls would literally throw money at y’all… I swear, that’s the most lucrative porn idea ever. I’m a genius.”_

_While Misha starts cackling, Jensen squints at Jared. “Why would we do that for? You know Dean’s not gay!”_

_“Meh… who cares? He could be gay for pay,” Jared says, laughing so much now he almost falls off his chair._

_While Jared keeps laughing and drinking, Misha turns to a now somber Jensen and takes his face in his hands, forcing him to look him in the eye._

_“You know that doesn’t mean what you think it means, right? You’re an brilliant actor, Jay. Fans adore you, and they love Dean. All they want is to see him be happy for once.”_

_As usual, Jensen’s mood instantly lifts when his eyes meet Misha’s. His pout transforms into a soft smile, the warmth of Misha’s hands making his whole body tingle._

_“Now if you could only see it for yourself…” Misha added before softly kissing Jensen on the forehead._

Jensen could still feel the burning electricity of Misha’s lips when he was startled awake. He scrunched his eyes closed when confronted with the harsh light still on. He turned on his back and groaned, flinging an arm over his face.

“What the hell…” he said under his breath, the dream still clear in his mind. Why had his brain felt the need to add Misha to his and Jared’s drinking night. He knew for a fact Mish had been home in Washington; they had been facetiming right before Jared convinced him to open the whisky.

 _It’s not that far. I can be in Vancouver in less than two hours_ , Mind-Misha provided, something Jensen knew was true.

Except he knew if Misha had intended on driving up to Vancouver, he would have told him. And if he had known, Jensen wouldn’t have drunk as much as he did… or he would have waited for him to get there at least.

_It’s just a dream, Ackles, don’t worry about it._

Misha appearing in the dream probably only had to do with him coming clean to Dean and the others about their relationship. Luckily, with everything else happening, he had been able to avoid explaining exactly what their relationship was about.

Sitting up on his bed, Jensen looked at his watch through the thin slits of his eyes; 5 AM. He’d only been asleep for three hours. He yawned, thinking he should at least go and shut the lights off. Except he needed to pee and was thirsty. He glanced at the sink and its cracked mirror, wondering if the guys ever peed in there rather than going to the bathroom at night.

Because he himself was pretty tempted to do this. Nobody would ever know if he did, still he decided against it and got off the bed to leave the room. The hall was dark and quiet. Jensen sighed in relief, worried there could have been unwanted noises floating around in the dead of night.

He almost ran past Dean’s room on his way to the bathroom. He went in, relieving himself before drinking some water with his cupped hands. When he walked out, he elected to go to the library rather than going back to his room. Maybe he’d find something to read himself to sleep.

What he hadn’t expected was to find Castiel sitting in the library, immersed in a book.

“Hey, Cas,” Jensen said.

The angel looked up and quirked an eyebrow. “Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping?”

“I was, but I had this weird dream… just thought I’d try and find something to read until I fall asleep again.”

A small smile appeared on Castiel’s lips. “According to Dean, any book in here should be sleep inducing.”

“You really like him, huh?” Jensen said when he came to sit at the table, forgetting all about the books. “And he really likes you?”

“I love him, yes… and I like to think he might love me too, although I doubt he’ll ever say so.”

Jensen nodded. “Yeah… he probably won’t. And, well… that might be my fault.”

“What do you mean?”

Brushing a hand on his flustered face, Jensen cleared his throat. “Well… you remember that time in Lucifer’s crypt, right? When you—” He swallowed, knowing Castiel might not like to be reminded of this particular scene. “When you were under Naomi’s control and was beating me—hmm—beating Dean up?”

The blue eyes had gone dark, making Jensen gulp again.

“Anyway—he—the original script had Dean say it. He was supposed to tell you he loved you. I told them Dean wouldn’t say that, so they went and changed it.” Jensen’s heart was stammering in his chest. He wouldn’t be surprised to be zapped out of existence right about now.

Instead of killing him, Castiel nodded, his lips in a thin line. “I see,” he said before hanging his head low.

Jensen sighed, tempted to rub a comforting hand on the angel’s back. This was heartbreaking to watch. “I’m sorry, man—I—if I’d known…”

When Castiel looked up again, almost five whole minutes later, his eyes were shiny and he had a smile on his face.

“So he does love me…”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow… I’m finally done! I know some of you guys would prefer that I keep going, but I’m at the end of THAT road. 
> 
> And, well… you kinda get an extra chapter, to some extent… because this last one is much longer than the ones before. Many reasons for that, but mostly, scenes kept piling up as I wrote. Like, "oh that’s nice, but I can’t end the story here" and "I need to say a little more about that scene" and a bunch of stuff like that.
> 
> I could also have decided to cut the thing in half, but I honestly didn’t know where to cut so it would be nice, or interesting. So a 5K+ chapter for you today (which also explains why I’m posting so late. I wasn’t able to write at all yesterday, which pushed everything to be done later) So yeah, there’s that.
> 
> I just wanna thank you all for reading and commenting, mostly keeping up with me and my warped up brain. I will NEVER be able to look either of them in the eyes if I ever meet them. loll 
> 
> I will have more notes at the end… I just don’t wanna spoil anything for you. (Speaking of spoiler… did you see the tags? Added characters… yup… I did that!!!)
> 
>  
> 
> Happy reading, and I’ll see you again (hopefully) Sunday when I post my Team Free Will Big Bang contribution. This one will be of the Explicit kind, in case you like that… might wanna check it out if you light sexy Destiel things, awkward Samstiel things, sex curses… you know… the usual stuff!
> 
> Ok… see you in the end notes! :D
> 
>  
> 
> .

Rather than going in the library the next morning, Jensen followed the aroma of fresh brewed coffee into the kitchen. Sam was sitting at the table, sipping on a cup while fiddling on his computer. The hunter looked up at him and smiled.

“Hey, Jensen… did you sleep okay?”

“Okay enough,” Jensen replied as he poured himself a cup of coffee. “You ain’t got sweetener, do you?” he asked, pretty sure there would be no such thing in the bunker.

“Nah, sorry. Think we have straight up sugar in the pantry right there. And there’s milk in the fridge.”

Jensen nodded in thanks, deciding to forego adding anything to his cup. Sugar was a definite no-no and he was ready to bet the milk wouldn’t be drinkable. Anytime they filmed Dean going into the fridge, he’d always find the food had gone bad.

Every. Single. Time.

Going to sit with Sam, Jensen let out a satisfied hum after taking his first sip. It wasn’t the best coffee he’d ever had – it was bitter as shit – but he really needed the jolt of caffeine. Taste be damned!

“Dean and Cas are still in bed?” he asked, not that he really wanted to know.

“They went to get breakfast, they should be back soon. Think we’re getting pastries this morning.”

Jensen nodded again and kept to himself as he drank his coffee. Sam didn’t seem to be in a chatty mood either as he didn’t try and make conversation, his eyes never leaving the computer screen. Jensen let his thoughts wander, trying to remember what was happening in the episodes following Claire being bitten by a werewolf.

If he wasn’t mistaken, Cas should be finding Kelly soon… and then there’d be that whole shitfest with Mary and Ketch, the Colt, Mick dying… in that order or not. Jensen couldn’t have sworn it, but he was pretty sure the brothers didn’t know yet how Mary was directly responsible for Castiel almost dying because she wouldn’t give up what she’d stole.

The more he thought about it all, the more Jensen realized Dean and Cas might not get the chance to be together again before the whole Lucifer stabbing Castiel to death thing.

“Are they always like this?” Jensen asked Sam.

“What are you talking about?”

“Cas and Dean… are they always… huh… all over each other like that? I mean… not in our faces and stuff, but they seem to be pretty… eager. Or am I imagining things?”

Keeping his eyes on the screen, Sam chuckled. “Nah, you’re right, they are. Except no, that’s not how they usually are.” When Sam finally looked up, his eyes shone with a mix of mirth and tenderness. “Last time we saw Cas, he almost died. And he pretty much declared his love to Dean. I’m sure Dean’s in total denial about it all, but… I know my brother. If he thought he could, he’d ask Cas to stay here and there’d never be another girl sharing his bed.”

Even if he never believed – before now – that nothing could have ever happened between Cas and Dean, he couldn’t deny Sam being right. Castiel had spewed the L word at Dean before amending his declaration to include everyone. But Jensen, and Misha, and everyone else in the world knew that first I-Love-You had been for Dean, and Dean only.

Misha’s words echoed in the back of his mind. _How could you ever believe their love was platonic_?

A new memory about the show came to Jensen, so powerful he almost spoke out loud. He mentally patted himself on the back to have stopped in time as he had no way of knowing when this had happened, or if Sam would ever know it did. _Did Dean give Cas the mixtape already?_ he wondered, not that he knew when that would have taken place.

That was another thing he knew would be seen as a romantic gesture by a nice portion of the fandom. Yet, when they filmed it, Jensen had been able to convince himself that it had just been a music enthusiast wanting to further his friend’s musical education. _You’re feeling a bit dumb now, aren’t you_? Mind-Misha provided in that snarky tone of his.

And, well… Mind-Misha kinda had a point. Still, the guys probably wouldn’t have gotten together during that episode; Dean was far too pissed, and then Cas did what he did, zapping the brothers asleep to leave with Kelly and then—

“Who’s up for jelly doughnuts?” Dean hollered as he walked in the kitchen, startling Jensen.

Dean dropped the box on the table and made a beeline for the coffee maker.

“Where’s Cas?” Jensen asked while Sam grabbed himself a pastry. “He’s not gone, is he?”

“Don’t worry, he’s just outside. Said he had a phone call to make.”

Dean came to sit at the table, grabbing himself some breakfast before pushing the box toward Jensen. “Take one, man… they’re real good, you’ll see,” he said before scarfing down the pastry in three huge bites.

If Jensen had been hungry, the sight alone would have deterred him from eating altogether. “Glad you can keep eating this crap, but I can’t. All that fast food’s giving me the damn runs,” Jensen said, making Dean chuckle. Jensen decided not to tell the hunter about the spit bucket he had to use when they filmed.

“Sucks for you to have such a delicate baby stomach, but more for me,” Dean said before grabbing another pastry and giving it the same treatment as the previous one.

“Don’t worry about him,” Sam said, him too grabbing a second serving of the fried dough. “I agree that his diet’s pretty awful. I try to get as much fresh foods as I can, but it’s just not that easy, you know? Always on the road and stuff…”

“I get it. See, that’s another funny thing about Jar and me… we’re totally the opposite of our characters when it comes to food. I eat more like you while Jared’s very much into candies and such.” Jensen smiled. “I think he’s starting to realize he’s getting older, been making better choices lately.”

Sam chuckled, looking delighted to learn about his own doppelganger. “Wonder if we’d have gotten along at all,” he said, to which Jensen nodded. “I’m sure you would have… he’s a big adorable puppy, everyone loves him.”

Dean was stuffing his face with his third doughnut when Castiel entered the kitchen. Instead of taking a seat, he came to stand next to Jensen.

“I believe we should have a talk.”

“Everything okay, Cas?” Dean asked before Jensen could respond.

“Yes, Dean. Everything’s fine. I only wish to talk to Jensen privately.”

Dean didn’t seem to like that idea all that much. “Why?”

Without answering, Castiel tilted his head toward the door, indicating for Jensen to follow him. He barely hesitated, getting up to follow the angel without a word.

“Dean!” Castiel barked when Dean got off his chair as well. “We’re only going outside, we’ll be back in ten minutes. Please…”

With a huff, Dean sat back down, grabbing yet another doughnut and shoving it in his mouth as if it had personally offended him. Castiel turned back around and led the way. If Jensen had been worried about not wearing his coat, he was relieved to find the temperature warm enough. Castiel motioned to the patch of sun in the stairs for him to sit down.

Jensen obeyed, trying to swallow the lump in his throat; this did not bode well.

Castiel didn’t sit, instead standing at the bottom of the stairs and looking up at Jensen.

“There’s no way for me to send you back, Jensen. Even if I tried, the chances that I send you back to your own universe would be… slim, if existent at all. The good news is I do believe you have a purpose here. You were sent to our reality for a reason.”

“And what reason would that be?”

“I wish I knew. Yet, I fail to find any other plausible explanation. Only once you find that purpose and accomplish what you must will you be sent back home.”

“What if there wasn’t a fucking purpose? Sometimes shit just happens, you gotta know that. What if that was just me being at the wrong place in the wrong time? What if—”

“I understand how frustrating this may be for you. Joshua never said I needed to know what happened to you in order to send you back… you see, I was ashamed to not have understood what he meant when I consulted with him. He does appreciate subtility.”

“What did he say?”

“He spoke in Enochian, but the translation would be this: Jensen must consider that his present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed,” Castiel said in a somber voice. “It’s an actual quote from the bible. Took me a while to get it, but I do now.”

“Get what? It doesn’t make any sense!”

Castiel shrugged. “Nothing ever does…” he added before turning around to reach the door. “Am I mistaken to say that you’ll want to stay here and think for a while?” he asked, the intensity in his gaze enough to understand it was more of an order than a question.

Jensen nodded. He didn’t care anymore. If the angel told him to stay and think, then he’d stay and think.

 _You know why you’re here_ , he heard Mind-Misha say. Jensen shook his head.

“Not now, Mish!” he said out loud, instead starting to wonder about what everyone in his world were doing? Were they looking for him? He’d landed in that damn universe over twenty-four hours ago. His disappearance had to have been noticed by now. Police had probably been notified as early as yesterday, seeing how he hadn’t been to work. And if so, how was his family coping? And what about the media? What if—

Jensen’s throat constricted and tears welled up in his eyes. _What if I never come back?_

He closed his eyes, trying to think about what in the hell his purpose would be in this wretched place. Should he be telling the guys about their fates? Let them know about all the shit about to go down? Tell them Castiel will die, and Eileen, and Crowley? Should he tell them how Mom will get stuck in an alternate universe with Lucifer? Jensen doesn’t even know yet if she’ll come back or even survive.

He bristled at the thought of dropping all that crap on them. No. That couldn’t be right. If he wanted to change it all, all he’d have to do is try convincing the studio to change their mind. Have the writers keep everyone alive and find something else to end the season. Not that it would work… he has power, but not that much power.

 _Has nothing to do with the show, Jay. I wish you could see_ , Mind-Misha said, this time making Jensen’s heart skip a beat. Misha had said something about Jensen seeing it for himself in his dream, as if he’d wanted Jensen to see how Dean really felt about Castiel. It couldn’t be about that, was it?

 _You’re getting warmer_ , the voice said again.

He remembered his late night – or early morning – conversation with Castiel. When he told Cas that if it hadn’t been for Jensen, Dean would have said he loved him years ago. And that was before they even got together, too.

Except for that time in Zachariah’s apocalyptic future world, which was pretty much one sided anyway.

“You okay?”

Dean joining Jensen outside didn’t register with him until a warm cup of coffee appeared in front of his face. The surprise almost made him swap the mug away. Instead, he looked up and nodded.

“Yeah, thanks,” he said as he took the mug. “So… what did Cas tell you?”

“Not a peep. He can be a stubborn bastard when he wants to. Said if I really wanted to know that I should ask you.”

 _Little fucker! He knew what conclusion I’d come to_ , Jensen thought as he took a sip. Of course Castiel had to have known, why else would—

“So, you gonna tell me or should I beat it out of you?”

Jensen’s eyes bugged out of his skull. “What?”

Dean laughed, slapping Jensen’s shoulder. “Just kidding, man, ease up.”

Only then did Jensen notice the beer in Dean’s hand. He almost gagged, thinking about all the pastries the hunter had ingested just before. That thought dwindled away, soon replaced by the memory of that production meeting a couple of months ago, when they announced Castiel would be dying at the end of the season. He hadn’t cried right then and there, but he had shed some tears later that night when telling Danneel about it.

It didn’t matter that Misha was coming back the following year, this just felt like that damn seventh season all over again.

“Wanted to ask you something,” Dean said, his gaze far ahead of them. “What happened last night?”

“What do you mean?”

“Cas said you had a nightmare or some shit, and that you had a chat… what did you tell him?”

Jensen swallowed, knowing all too well what Dean had to be referring to. “Didn’t say anything in particular.”

“Really? ‘Cause he’s been weird this morning. Weirder than usual, I mean.” Dean turned a dark eye on Jensen. “He’s been trying to be real affectionate, and he doesn’t do that. You gotta have told him something.”

Jensen shrugged; yeah, he did. Except telling Dean he had almost declared his love to the angel and didn’t because Jensen didn’t want to might not go so well. And at this point, he didn’t know if it was because Dean would deny his feelings or be pissed at Jensen to have done it.

“Having a boyfriend has to be quite the adaptation for an angel.”

“Not my boyfriend,” Dean groused before taking a sip of his beer. “Told ya, relationships are a no go.”

Jensen smiled. “Didn’t think I’d ever say that to my Dean Winchester, but even if you guys don’t get together all that often, you’re still in a relationship.”

“You gotta to stop saying this shit, man. Your Dean Winchester… I’m my own man, I don’t belong to nobody. And I certainly don’t belong to you.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean anything by it. I just meant… look, if Cas is important to you, then I think you should make sure to tell him.”

“He knows,” Dean said, once more with his gaze lost in the backdrop of trees. “I mean, he has to know, right? We’re sleeping together, and he’s a guy. Should be enough of a clue.”

Didn’t matter how distressed Dean sounded, Jensen couldn’t help but chuckle.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing… I mean… I shouldn’t be surprised to find you so emotionally stunned, yet I do.”

“You—you’re emotionally stunned!”

“What I am is reserved. I prefer to keep my private stuff private, you know?” Jensen smiled at how much more open he’d gotten over the years. Not to the point of baring it all for the whole world to see, but he had been caring less and less about keeping himself so guarded. “Except with the people I love. Everyone close to me knows I love them because I tell them so. Pretty often, too.”

“Whoop t doo for you, man. That’s where you and I are different. You have the luxury of loving people and being able to keep them around. I don’t.”

“I’ve lost people too, you know… everyone does. But that’s beside the point. You told your brother you loved him, you even told Charlie.”

Dean’s features closed off even more, if such a thing was even possible. He shook his head to deny Jensen’s affirmation.

“Look, I was there. I know you told Charlie you loved her.”

“No I didn’t. I’m sure I didn’t.”

Tempted to start chuckling again, Jensen kept his amusement to himself. “She told you she loved you, then you said “I know”. Everybody in every universes knows what that means, which is the reason you said it.”

“Didn’t do any good, now, did it? She’s still gone!”

“Would have happened either way… still… don’t you think you would have regretted not saying it at all?”

Jensen had been expecting to get chewed up, but Dean just scrunched his eyes closed and clenched his jaw. Rather than responding, he nodded, the pain apparently still vivid.

“Look, I’m not trying to give you a hard time or anything. Believe me, I know what your life’s been like and how you’re not the i-love-you type. I’ll admit, most of it is my fault, as those were acting choices on my part. But you know, I get it now. You and Castiel became a thing, whatever I made myself believe.”

“He knows I—he knows how I feel about him, okay?” Dean said again, his voice low and thick. “He can read minds, he has to know.”

“Pretty sure he won’t go and invade your thoughts without your permission.”

Dean huffed. “So what? I should buy him flowers and some cheesy card telling him he’s my moon and stars and shit?”

“If that’s how you feel—”

“I was being sarcastic!” Dean spat as he got to his feet. “Look, I get what you’re trying to say, but… Cas and I, we’re good, okay? We’re in a good place right now, sorta… so… you know… butt out!”

_Not for long._

“Tell me… with your experience so far, how long should that last?”

“Enough with that cryptic shit. If you know what’s gonna happen, then come out and say it, all right?”

“You know that even if I did, I couldn’t.”

“Says you!”

Dean opened the door, motioning for Jensen to walk back inside, who complied without a word. As he walked, he could feel the hunter’s stare burning a hole in his back.

Sam and Castiel had moved from the kitchen to the library. As he walked down the stairs, Jensen’s gaze caught Castiel’s, who gave him a small crooked smile and a slight nod.

Waking up in a bed while he’d been walking down a flight of stairs had to be the weirdest thing to ever have happened to Jensen. It took him a moment to recognize the bedroom of his trailer.

He sat up in a flash, making his head hurt and his stomach lurch. Taking deep breaths to try and calm the galloping of his heart, and keep his insides inside, he looked at himself. He wore the “civilian clothes” he’d been wearing two days ago, the same ones he had woken up with after drinking with Jared.

“What the fuck?”

He grabbed his phone on the nightstand to see it was just a hair after six. He almost choked when he saw the date. His fingers trembled as he unlocked the phone to call his wife.

“Better be important, the kids are still asleep,” he soon heard his wife mumble.

“Dee! Thank God!” Jensen was only able to say before getting all choked up.

“Hey, hey, Babe! Are you okay? What’s going on?”

“I’m—I’m okay—I’m sorry—God—I’ve missed you so—so fucking much—I—”

Danneel, now sounding wide awake, started chuckling. “Oh, babe… how much did you drink last night? You’re still drunk, aren’t you?”

Jensen took a second to calm down, and sighed. “What day are we? Tell me the date, please.”

“What? You’re not making any sense.”

“Please, Dee… I just need the date, all right?”

“Tuesday, April 4… do you need the year or are you okay?”

Jensen sighed again, relieved. It had only been a dream. A freakishly vivid dream, but a dream all the same. “No, I—yeah, I had a couple of drinks with Jar last night… and I had the weirdest dream ever.”

“Was it a kinky dream?”

“Ha! If only… nah, I’ll tell you all about it when I see you.”

“All right… so, you’re sure you’re okay?” Danneel said before shuffling noises could be heard.

“Hi, daddy!”

“Good morning, princess. What are you doin’ up so early?”

“I’ve been up for _hours_ ,” JJ said in a cheery voice. “But mommy said I should wait for the babies to wake up before I come out of my room.”

“Are they up?”

“Nuh huh… I heard your song on the phone.”

Chuckling, Jensen let himself fall on the bed again. Talking to his kid had to be the best hangover remedy ever. “You think you’ll wanna go back to bed and let mommy sleep some more?”

“I can stay here. Mommy doesn’t mind because I have a book.”

“Well you do that, then. Now give the phone back to mommy, okay? I love you, baby girl! You make sure to kiss your brother and sister for me, all right?”

“Okay. I love you, daddy. Bye!”

“So? You’ll be okay?” Danneel asked when she took the phone back.

Jensen closed his eyes, imagining his wife’s sleepy face. He knew she would start up the camera if he asked, but he chose not to. It may have been eight in Austin, she had probably spent a good chunk of the night feeding the twins. She needed all the sleep she could get.

“Don’t worry about it, I just woke up confused is all. Go back to bed, all right?”

“Yeah… don’t think that’s happening, I can hear one of the twins babbling. The other will follow soon.”

“All right, I’ll let you go, then. I just… I love you, Dee.”

“Love you too, babe. Talk to you later.”

Jensen waited for Danneel to have hung up before thumbing some more through his contacts. He found Misha’s number and pressed to call. Although it was six in the morning for him as well, he answered with his voice being drowned out by his two very awake kids.

“Hey, handsome! Didn’t think I’d hear from you this morning. Everything’s okay?”

“Yeah, yeah… I just felt the need to talk to you.”

“Aw… such a romantic—Maison! Get down from there, you’ll—yeah, that’s better, thank you.”

“You’re busy, I’ll call you later.”

Misha laughed. “When am I not busy? Don’t worry about it… what’s up?”

“Nothing much… I had this weird dream and it just felt like I hadn’t seen or talked to you for a couple of days. You or anyone, that is.”

“Quite the nightmare, if you ask me. Wanna talk about it? West, eat your cereal, you guys can play tag after breakfast. Please leave your sister alone.”

Jensen had been to the Collins’ house often enough to know this was routine for them. “Nah, don’t worry about it, it’s stupid. I’ll tell you later. All I’ll say is that I dreamed of crossing over into the Supernatural universe.”

“You did?”

“Yeah… met them all. And Dean and Cas were actually together.”

“Okay, now this, I gotta hear! Not too freaked out, I hope?”

“Nah… kinda made sense actually… maybe you were right all along!” Jensen said, half teasing.

“Of course, I was, I—shit! Sorry, I gotta let you go, Maison just spilled her breakfast.”

Jensen couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, okay! No worries, I’ll call you back tonight, all right?”

“I will if you don’t, gotta hear every single detail about that dream of yours. Love you, Jackles.”

“Love you too, Mish. Say hi to everyone for me!”

“What did he say?”

Misha put the phone back in his pocket before sitting down, keeping an eye on his kids as they ran around in the yard. He spoke without looking at his guest.

“Thanks for the distraction. Sounded believable enough.”

“Only provided the background noises, you did the rest. So? What did he say?”

“He said it kinda made sense, Dean and Castiel being together. It’s just… do you really think it was a good idea to make him think he dreamt it all? Isn’t the memory gonna fade?”

“I told you, brother… we can’t let humans know crossing over realities is possible.”

The pinch in his heart made Misha wince. He turned to look at Castiel.

“Humans in your universe know… Sam, Dean. Even the Men of letters probably know about this.”

“We have supernatural creatures in our universe, you don’t. And even in my world, most humans don’t know about this. If the knowledge fell into the wrong hands…”

Misha nodded, knowing Castiel was right. He hadn’t told him about the devil’s kid being able to do this. He’d know soon enough. The only thing Misha cared about right now was his worry that Jensen would go back to his old beliefs once the “dream” started fading out.

“Why did you really do it, Misha? Why did you make Jensen cross over into our universe?”

Misha huffed. “Because he needed to stop denying it! And, okay, I know he won’t start telling the fans that Destiel’s a thing now, and I know it’ll never happen on the show. Still… this whole thing’s been making him miserable for years. Got a bit better once we got together, but a lot of fans are pissed at him for saying Dean’s straight. They think he’s homophobic, for Christ’s sake.”

The glare Castiel gave Misha made him chuckle. “I’m sorry,” he still said, knowing how Castiel hated when people took the name of the Lord in vain.

Castiel nodded, then tilted his head. “I’m still not sure I understand.”

“I just wanted to ease Jensen’s mind, that’s all. Just so he’d stop worrying about it and accept that some people read further into the show than what’s given to them. By seeing it for himself, I hoped it would make it easier on him, that he’d stop being so… defensive.”

“And that has nothing to do with the fact that you two are together?”

“Nah… our relationship has nothing to do with this. The people we love know about it, and that’s all that matters. We’re not dumb enough to think our situation would not be deemed scandalous by the general public. He won’t say it, but I think Jensen’s mostly afraid Dean coming out as bisexual will shine a light on him, and then on us. It’s something none of us want, not us and not our wives. Maybe if we weren’t actors in the public eye…”

Misha smiled, remembering the deal he had made with Castiel.

“How about you? How’s Dean doing?”

“I don’t know what Jensen told Dean, but… he said it. He told me he loves me, just a couple of hours after I sent Jensen back.”

“Told you he would. Man, I wish we could film a scene like that.”

Castiel leaned forward, his two fingers extended. “Would you like to see?”

Misha gave Castiel an energetic nod, closing his eyes when the fingers pressed against his temple.

_As usual, the sight of his vehicle parked next to the Impala in the garage makes Castiel weirdly happy. He makes a beeline to his truck, Dean following closely behind him._

_“You sure you can’t stay?” Dean asks once more. He’d been trying to convince Castiel not to go out there alone, saying finding Kelly would be easier if they stayed together._

_“I told you, Dean. I’ve been working with Kelvin to find her. You and your brother should stay put, and let us angels take care of Kelly and Lucifer’s spawn. Dagon is too dangerous; she’s a prince of Hell.”_

_“You can’t tell me a prince of Hell ain’t dangerous for angels, Cas. That other dude almost killed you. You remember that, right?”_

_“He had Michael’s spear, and Crowley destroyed it. Dagon can and will perish by an angel’s blade, this I promise you.”_

_Dean looks downward, kicking a lost pebble with his boot._

_“Let Kelvin and the others work together. You could work with us, we make an awesome team.” The soft hope Castiel sees in Dean’s eyes when he looks up makes his heart sink._

_“I’m sorry, Kelvin is—”_

_For a second, Castiel considers coming clean about how the angels were ready to welcome him back, how Joshua had insisted he joined forces with the Host, how when he said he had to go see the Gardener, it wasn’t for Jensen’s sake._

_He doesn’t, instead landing a soft hand on Dean’s jaw. “Heaven is joining forces, Dean. They’re willing for us to work together again. I’m on the path of redemption,” he chooses to say._

_Dean keeps his gaze on Castiel, chewing at his lower lip. The angel could weep at the deception he reads in the green irises._

_“All right,” Dean says after a while, before wrapping a hand over Castiel’s. “They’re your family, I get that. Just… you gotta be careful, okay? You know how they easily turn on you the second you disagree with them.”_

_“I can’t say I haven’t deserved their wrath on some occasions.”_

_Castiel can see Dean is on the verge of offering a counter argument, but he shakes his head instead._

_“You gonna be careful, right?” he says, their mouths now almost close enough to touch. Castiel inhales, getting drunk on Dean’s smell and body heat. He can only nod, resisting the urge to claim Dean’s mouth._

_“If you get in any kind of trouble, let me know. Drop a line, call, whatever. Even if you’re doing okay, you still gotta let me know.”_

_Castiel nods once more, licking his lips._

_Dean takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. He opens them again, his voice quivering as he speaks. “I need to know what you do and where you are because I love you, all right? I can’t handle not knowing if you’re dead or alive, you hear? Like… I’m not trying to contr—”_

_Unable to wait any longer, Castiel presses his lips against Dean’s, swallowing the end of his declaration. He wraps both his arms around the hunter’s neck, squeezing his body against Dean’s as if attempting to fuse them together. Until Dean leans back a bit, making Castiel whimper at the loss._

_“Gotta breathe sometime, Cas,” he says in a hoarse voice, chuckling. He doesn’t try to evade Castiel’s tight embrace, leaning their foreheads together. “I—I just wanted to make sure you knew… you know… in case…”_

_Castiel gives Dean a soft smile. “I know… and I love you too, Dean.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another reason that pushed the posting later was research. I did it a lot while writing, but never as much as I did for this last chapter. And then it hit me!!!
> 
> When I realized where in S12 I had set this story, or I should say the Supernatural Reality’s story, I almost squealed. The next “episode” for Sam and Dean is 12-17, The British Invasion. 
> 
> In case you don’t remember, that’s the episode when Eileen shoots Dagon but kills that other BMOL instead… you know, when Dean and Sam try to get a hold off Castiel but can’t. And then the next time we see Cas (a couple of episodes later, when Cas actually kills Dagon and flees with Kelly), Dean is super pissed at him! 
> 
> As if, maybe, he would have opened his heart only to be “ignored” afterward?
> 
> I didn’t do this on purpose, I swear… but I find that it works so very well!
> 
> And, although I wasn’t supposed to include Dean’s I love You in the story (hadn’t even thought of mentioning it), I didn’t feel like I could wrap this up without knowing if Dean spoke out, especially knowing what was to come. It’s not the end I had pictured at first, and I’m so very glad I went that way. I can only hope it’s the same for you, that you’ll be satisfied with the ending.
> 
> Let me remind you again this is not beta’d, all mistakes, typos, random urls in the middle of the text; everything’s my fault. And, of course, I don’t own any Supernatural copyrights so… yup… that’s it.
> 
> Can’t wait to hear your thoughts, and again, thanks for reading! Keep on carrying on, you magnificent souls!


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